Porn

[Robyn81478]

Just kind of curious since there are so many men on this board full of testosterone......lol

How often do you look at porn? Is porn a neccesity in your life? Why do you look at porn? Are you honest about the amount of porn you look at with your girlfriend/spouse/significant other? If your GF/spouse/SO asked you to stop looking at porn, would you? Or would you continue to look at it and just hide it from them? Lastly, if your spouse asked you not to look at porn and you continued, would you consider it cheating?

[wweforme]

I went through a stage where I watched a lot of porn but then as soon as I hit 25 or so it didn't do anything for me anymore. I really don't watch it anymore. As for the cheating on your spouse by watching porn behind her back thing , I don't think its cheating at all.

[joemomma]

Most men look at porn because they aren't getting enough from their significant other. I understand that women and men are different, time constraints, kids, all that. Men are pretty simple - feed us, stroke our ego, and give us plenty of lovin' and 99% will be perfectly happy.
Is it cheating? Tough call. Lust in the heart is the same as lust in the flesh, if you listen to what your preacher and The Bible say. If you have asked him to stop and he hasn't, then that is a problem. Porn, just like gambling or booze, is addictive. It can also be destructive.
Dishonesty is no good, in any fashion, for any relationship. Sounds like you and your significant other are having issues with it?

[RyanLRams]

I disagree with joemomma's assessment. Most men look at porn because we are men and looking at hot, gorgeous, big breasted women defiling themselves makes our d!cks hard. It's fantasy for most of us. Not only are the women in those magazines/movies hotter than any women we could get, they are most likely hotter than the woman we are with. They may also be performing sexual acts that your significant other wouldn't perform. It is either about fantasizing about what you don't/can't have or it's as simple as enjoying to look at an attractive naked woman.

As for me, I don't look at porn much at all. Couple times a month, but definitely not necessary. I look at porn mostly because it gives me ideas of things to do with my gf, who is very open with ideas and also looks at the porn. We may even watch it together. If looking at it bothered her, then I would not look at it. I wouldn't go behind her back and do it. It's not cheating, it's being dishonest unless he tells you that he is going to do it anyway.

[Robyn81478]

Joe -as far as "getting enough from your significant other"..... trust me when I say he gets plenty. I'm not trying to be perverted or talk dirty here, but on a normal week we have sex 4-5 times. If it were up to me it would be every day. He has called me a nympho many times. I have a very high sex drive and I'm pretty open in that area. By that I mean, I'm no prude. I'm not going to get graphic because it's just not right to do so, so let's just say I'm very adventurous.

Yes, we do have a problem with this. We have been together for 2 and a half years and about 6 months into the relationship I discovered he looks at it quite often, even though he was telling me he never did. Since then, roughly every 3 weeks I find it on the computer. (now mind you I do not believe that he only looks at it every 3 weeks, this is just how often I check) When I question him about it he lies and says that he hasn't. Don't get me wrong, before this I never had a problem with porn. I've watched it plenty of times and I've never been upset that someone I'm dating has watched it. My problem comes from the lies and deceit about it. It has completely broken down my self esteem and my emotions. I'm honestly at my breaking point with it and I'm supposed to get married next month. Just yesterday I put a tracker on the computer at home so that I could view what he was looking at at home while I was at work. Within 20 minutes of me leaving there were about 20 websites viewed. I then asked him if he was looking at porn and he said no. I asked him if he promised and swore on everything he had and he said yes. Then I told him I was viewing what he was watching and his response was that he " was going to tell me later". I honestly am at a breaking point with this and I don't know what to do. Most of you I am sure will say that viewing it is not cheating, but I'm actually at a point where I feel like it is because it comes before me at all times.

[RyanLRams]

I would say this is more akin to addiction. If he is getting action 4-5 times a week (nice work btw;p) and still has to look at porn that much, something is up I would think. Especially if he is lying about it. That's too bad that he is lying about this addiction and is putting it before you. I would put the marriage on hold until you get this issue solved. If he is lying to you about something as petty as this, what else is he hiding?

Here is a decent article I found: Internet Porn: Worse Than Crack?

[ktinspired]

I feel ya sister!!!! porn can quickly become an addiction. It is very damaging to many families. Its a tough situation to be in. And I know what you are feeling ..I've been there. My opinion on it is ...anything done in secret is being unfaithful. If you cant or wont do it or say it if front of your s/o is wrong.

My first husband had a porn addiction. And with that ..as with other addiction come a short temper. Most people think that sitting down veiwing pornography is personal and affects only themselves but trust me when I tell you it is a deep rooted problem. If fact IMO is decaying the family unit in a big way.

you need to sit down and have a heart to heart with him. Aviod accusing and fighting about it. REMEBER this is his problem and it isnt your fault.
At this point you dont know if he has an addiction or just recreation. Judging by the fact he's lying about it tells me he may have aproblem.

Anyway, tell him how it makes your heart feel and just ask him if thats the way he wants YOUR life to be. Depressed and insecure? Is the porn that important? Tell him it hurts and ask him to lay off "for the sake of our future and the quality of our relationship. "
As far as the wedding.....you may reconsider next month until you know were he stands. IT WILL ONLY GET WORSE.....you will wake up one day not knowing who you are, and what makes you a great gal. TRUST ME!

Many people here will tell you there is nothing wrong with it and the problem sint him it you.......DO NOT BELIEVE THAT!!!

I wish you the best with all this....I really do. I feel ya!

[Robyn81478]

Originally Posted by ktinspired

you need to sit down and have a heart to heart with him. Aviod accusing and fighting about it. REMEBER this is his problem and it isnt your fault.
At this point you dont know if he has an addiction or just recreation. Judging by the fact he's lying about it tells me he may have aproblem.

Anyway, tell him how it makes your heart feel and just ask him if thats the way he wants YOUR life to be. Depressed and insecure? Is the porn that important? Tell him it hurts and ask him to lay off "for the sake of our future and the quality of our relationship. "

The thing is, I've had heart to hearts with him. I've completely broken down in front of him, begged him, pleaded with him and given him scenarios what his life will be like without me and his daughter. I've asked him to go talk to someone if he can't stop. Now it has gotten to the point that I told him if he didn't want to talk to someone that he had to leave. His response was that he's not going to talk to a stranger and it's too expensive. I've told him that if he doesn't, he's gone. His solution was that he wouldn't use the computer unless I was home. To me this doesn't fix the problem at all, it just asks for him to hide it even more if he got the urge to do it. I know that he has a problem. This much is evident to me. What I cannot do is get through to HIM that he has a problem. He just keeps saying that he won't do it anymore and then he does and his response is that he doesn't know why.

As of today, I've shut him out. I've completely closed down my emotions to him. It's the hardest thing I've ever done because I can honestly say I love this man more than anyone I've ever been with. I went to bed without saying good night and that's something I've never done. When he said good-bye this morning and went for a kiss, I turned my head. I'm ignoring his texts. I honestly have no interest in having contact with him at this point. He is sending me messages acting like nothing is wrong. This is what I feel like I have to do to get through to him and it's a terrible feeling.

[czymex]

Oh wow Robyn, I am sorry about what you are going through girl, I wish you the best. hopefully, he will snap, and realise that he might lose the best thing that has ever happen to him, my thoughts and prayers are with you.

[mitchcumstein]

Not sure why he feels the need to lie about it. That issue probably comes from somewhere else thats not porn-related in the slightest. Makes you wonder what else he lies about.


I look at porn. I do more than look at it, lol. My wife knows and doesnt mind. We have sex 4-5 times a week and honestly, i need some kind of release every single day so if it werent for porn, id be bugging her for sex 7 days a week. That would put more of a strain on our marriage than anything. She works all day, goes to the gym in the evening, we both help with the kids although they havent seen her all day so they want her from the time she gets home till bed, and still makes time before bed to be intimate with me. Sometimes i know shes not even in the mood and would just rather relax on the couch but she still does it cause shes pretty selfless. I have a perfect wife.

[Hannainnc]

I think men look at porn cause they have no imagination and they get horny.

when I first moved in with my husband and saw that he dl'd porn I felt like I was betrayed, it hurt my feelings. Now I don't really care as much, however my stance on porn is not because I feel like he is cheating, but because I just think it's wrong...period. It's degrading to women.

[Hannainnc]

Originally Posted by Robyn81478

Joe -as far as "getting enough from your significant other"..... trust me when I say he gets plenty. I'm not trying to be perverted or talk dirty here, but on a normal week we have sex 4-5 times. If it were up to me it would be every day. He has called me a nympho many times. I have a very high sex drive and I'm pretty open in that area. By that I mean, I'm no prude. I'm not going to get graphic because it's just not right to do so, so let's just say I'm very adventurous.

Yes, we do have a problem with this. We have been together for 2 and a half years and about 6 months into the relationship I discovered he looks at it quite often, even though he was telling me he never did. Since then, roughly every 3 weeks I find it on the computer. (now mind you I do not believe that he only looks at it every 3 weeks, this is just how often I check) When I question him about it he lies and says that he hasn't. Don't get me wrong, before this I never had a problem with porn. I've watched it plenty of times and I've never been upset that someone I'm dating has watched it. My problem comes from the lies and deceit about it. It has completely broken down my self esteem and my emotions. I'm honestly at my breaking point with it and I'm supposed to get married next month. Just yesterday I put a tracker on the computer at home so that I could view what he was looking at at home while I was at work. Within 20 minutes of me leaving there were about 20 websites viewed. I then asked him if he was looking at porn and he said no. I asked him if he promised and swore on everything he had and he said yes. Then I told him I was viewing what he was watching and his response was that he " was going to tell me later". I honestly am at a breaking point with this and I don't know what to do. Most of you I am sure will say that viewing it is not cheating, but I'm actually at a point where I feel like it is because it comes before me at all times.

ouch, that sucks robyn.

sounds like he might be addicted to porn. I would be upset to.

[BiggerGuns=LongerDrives]

Speaking just for me, theres not much of a need if I have the real thing

[Robyn81478]

Mitch - I understand where you are coming from. I have a few exes that watched it. I've watched it with a couple of them and had a few that would just turn it on with me in the room if they felt the need to watch it. My problem doesn't neccesarily come from the actual porn itself, but the lying about the porn. I can't help but feel like I am doing something wrong, or there is something wrong with ME as a woman. I've never had tremendous self esteem, but I've always had a little bit of confidence. It's all gone. I look in the mirror and analyze to the point of tears what all is wrong with me physically. I'm constantly changing my hair style, color, clothes, etc. to try to be more of what I think he wants. I'm not being conceited, but trust me when I say I've had my share of male attention. I'm not saying I'm some gorgeous sexy beast, but I've been told a few times that I'm pretty hot. I work hard on my body and to look the way that I do for having 3 children. I haven't "let myself go" since having kids and I really don't think I look all of my 29 years. I take care of myself and I strive to be beautiful for him. I've got average looks, but I do what I can with what I've got. On top of that, like I said earlier, I'm "adventurous" in the bedroom and there's not really anything I won't do with him. I'd more than love to have sex every day, twice a day if I'm in the mood. I have a full time (good) job. I'm a good mother and I give 100% to my relationship. There's not a man on this earth that could take my eyes off of my fiance. Once a week I take a day to show him how much I care, by buying him a card, cooking his favorite dinner, making him cookies, buying him something, etc. I tell him every day how attractive I find him and how much he means to me. I'm starting to feel like a doormat.

Even if he decides he doesn't want to talk to someone, I'm calling today to make an appointment to go talk to someone to help get "me" back. I've lost a lot of myself because of this. I have such a hard time wondering how he can see what this is doing and not doing anything to stop it.

[ktinspired]

Originally Posted by mitchcumstein

Not sure why he feels the need to lie about it. That issue probably comes from somewhere else thats not porn-related in the slightest. Makes you wonder what else he lies about.


I look at porn. I do more than look at it, lol. My wife knows and doesnt mind. We have sex 4-5 times a week and honestly, i need some kind of release every single day so if it werent for porn, id be bugging her for sex 7 days a week. That would put more of a strain on our marriage than anything. She works all day, goes to the gym in the evening, we both help with the kids although they havent seen her all day so they want her from the time she gets home till bed, and still makes time before bed to be intimate with me. Sometimes i know shes not even in the mood and would just rather relax on the couch but she still does it cause shes pretty selfless. I have a perfect wife.

I think thats fantastic for you guys. thats great you can fornicate to other women and your wife doesnt care.

Unfortunately, not everyone can love that. there are many people who hold themselves to a higher moral standard.

It sounds like robyn really wants her relaionship to workout but doesnt want to feel second rate. I dont think that a women who accepts infidelity makes for a perfect wife.

[mitchcumstein]

Originally Posted by ktinspired

I think thats fantastic for you guys. thats great you can fornicate to other women and your wife doesnt care.

Unfortunately, not everyone can love that. there are many people who hold themselves to a higher moral standard.

It sounds like robyn really wants her relaionship to workout but doesnt want to feel second rate. I dont think that a women who accepts infidelity makes for a perfect wife.

How old are you, 70?

Btw, infidelity is not getting off to a picture. Youre so fvckin brainwashed by church you cant even see that. Its parents like you that cause people like people Robyns boyfriend to have dyfunctional sex lives. They teach their kids that sex is dirty and if its not a married couple having boring missionary style sex that its dirty, dirty dirty. They then grow up feeling guilty about their sexual desires and try to hide them by lying. Its really that simple.

[jlozan84]

Originally Posted by mitchcumstein

Not sure why he feels the need to lie about it. That issue probably comes from somewhere else thats not porn-related in the slightest. Makes you wonder what else he lies about.

This is what I would worry about. What else is he dishonest about? I'd be digging through things trying to see what else is going on - is he going other places and lying about where he is, lying about how he spends his (your) money, etc etc.

Really hope you figure it out Robyn. I certainly wouldn't consider marrying someone who is dishonest and even continually lies about the same thing. Good luck.

Originally Posted by fornicater

I look at porn. I do more than look at it, lol.

lolz