Porn

[RyanLRams]

Originally Posted by ktinspired

Im not just hole for him to get his nut in.

HAHAHAHA!

[Robyn81478]

Originally Posted by lostboyrufio

It's the lying that's weird. If you guys are so wild, why would he be ashamed about porn? Weird.

That's what I say. Like I said, I'm pretty open about everything. The one thing I draw the line at is 3somes. I'm not sharing, lol. Other than that, back in October I even bought 2 porns off the internet for us to watch TOGETHER. They came on a Thursday night. I told him that Friday night we would sit down and watch them together. (it would have been our first time watching it together - I was trying to open him up to being more open about porn WITH me). He opened them the next day while I was at work at watched them by himself.

[schmichael]

i actually don't find the lying that weird, maybe because i'm looking at it from the angle of the porn not being the issue but the trust is the real issue.

he lies about it because he knows you don't want him to look at it. it's not so much that he's ashamed of the porn, he's afraid to get caught betraying your trust again.

i think he is addicted to porn and the only way he can have you AND watch porn is by lying.

[schmichael]

also, i'm don't think that you watching porn with him is the answer. IF he is addicted to it, then watching more of it, even with you around, isn't going to help him get over it. it'll just feed his addiction more.

[Renegade68]

Wow. Just read thru all this.

Robyn, you are doing the right thing right now by shutting him out. He has to make a choice, his addiction or his relationship with you. Its really that simple. I feel horrible for you and along with others have to say, based on what we know of you via the net and your photos, it is NOT you. Addictions aren't easy to cure, but they can be. I'm not going to get deep into it, but I was (am) a gambling addict. When we lived in Vegas it was horrible and I did the same type things as far as hiding, lying, etc that you describe with his computer porn addictions. It came down to my wife giving me a choice. I thank God every day she did that and not just leave.

Good luck with this. Value yourself enough to know that you deserve to be happy in all facets of life. We only get one shot at this, so don't let someone else take your joy.

Regards.

[lee thompson]

sorry have to say this,seen your pics on here and you are very attractive and if your guy needs porn over you then he must be ill.

[Robyn81478]

Although I really try to keep in my mind there's nothing 'wrong with me" - it's still really hard not to think that he is searching out "another woman". I've been reading a lot about this addiction that last couple of days and it's very surprising to read where this addiction actually comes from. In short it normally comes from a devistating emotional experience. The reason people come to be addicted to this is because it is a fantasy world that they can escape to where no one's feelings matter (including their own - there is no emotional attachment to these women, it is what it is, cut and dry). In that aspect they are able to escape for 20 minutes, half hour, 3 hours, etc. to a place where there is no hurt, anger, etc. Very similar to a drug/alcohol addiction except in this case, the brain is producing the soothing chemicals instead of a drug. In my fiances case, he does have a very devastating emotional experience in his past, which I'm obviously not going to go into. These experiences that cause it can be anything from a death of a close family member, loss of a relationship that they were very emotionally invested in, sexual abuse, being abandoned by a parent, etc. the list goes on.

I can honestly say, as of Monday I was ready to leave him. It took me doing some research on my own to get the actual reason out of him, but I've now been able to talk to him and tell him the things that I found and he has admitted that he has used it as an escape of sorts. This is where we start. My emotions are still VERY raw where this is concerned. I've still got some of my own issues that I need to work through. I've found an S-ANON support group that I can communicate with, which really seems to help because I've found other women that feel exactly how I do. BUT, at this point I'm not turning my back on my fiance. I HATE what he has done and I hate what it's done to me and it's hard for me to look at him sometimes. However, when I said that I would marry him - I meant for better or for worse and even though this is a "for worse" - the only thing that I feel that I can do is stand by him and help him with the addiction. I've told him that the first thing that needs to happen is for him to open up to me about what is going on and why and he's actually told me more information today about some of the reasons behind it than he has told me in 2 years. I'm taking this as encouragement that he is going to go down the right path. I'm setting myself up for the set-backs that I know are going to happen. Right now I'm just hoping that we can work through it together. LIke I said before, I love this man more than anything. It's my duty to stand by and HELP him, not shut him out.

[lee thompson]

it must have taken a lot to confront this problem and to post it,i wish you the very best in your decision.

[Robyn81478]

It HAS taken a lot to confront this problem. In the past I've dealt with it with so much anger. Anger coming from being so hurt about it because I've taken it personally - like there is something wrong with me. I'm the kind of person that if you make me angry I yell, I throw things, I b*tch and then I'm done - I'm over it. On the other hand if you hurt me - I flip out. I honestly don't handle hurt well. There has really been nowhere for me to go about this. I've said before that I know it's kind of weird for me to be airing this on a bodybuilding forum of all places - I guess a lot of that comes from how many MEN are on here. Women tend to just say "that's gross" or sympathize with what I'm saying. To be able to get a male opinion of someone who doesn't know my fiance is helpful. I've always struggled with the thinking that "all men do it" and that was one of the things that was making me think something was wrong with ME and making me second guess my feelings about it. Not to mention, it's really helpful to get the opinions of people annoymously. If I talk to someone I know in "real life" I feel like they are going to judge me and look at me like "what's wrong with her?" if that makes sense. Airing a lot of this out has really, really helped me.

[lee thompson]

i understand what your saying,and there is nothing WRONG with you,you just needed to talk,and that takes guts.

[Renegade68]

Robyn - best wishes to you in whatever comes of all of this.

[Hannainnc]

Originally Posted by Robyn81478

It's my duty to stand by and HELP him, not shut him out.

I understand you love him and all, but it is not your duty and if you wanted to break loose from him - without the child in the equation - it would be understandable...but you have a child with him, so those rules don't apply. For your child you both have a duty to seek counseling and fix whatever is wrong. Not all men have issues....life is too short to try to fix someone. I'm sorry you are going through this.

[RyanLRams]

Give me your address. I will go *****slap this suckfish back into reality. Who does that? Chooses porn over the real thing?

Here's what you do. Does he work? Ok, when he is at work, get two suitcases. Fill one with your clothes and the other with your kid's clothes. Take some sentimental items from the house and put them in your car. Now, leave and go stay with your parents or a friend and tell him your not coming home until he seeks help for his addiciton. When you move back in, lock down the computer like as if he were a 7 year old and make him go to counseling. Simple.

Actually, I think that would be funny if you did that to him now. Download one of those programs that locks everything up so he can only go to "approved" sites, like Disney.com. How would he react to that?

[Hannainnc]

The thing is...he knows how you feel, but he keeps doing it....basically he is telling you he doesn't give a sh!t how you feel or what you think.

[lee thompson]

Originally Posted by Hannainnc

The thing is...he knows how you feel, but he keeps doing it....basically he is telling you he doesn't give a sh!t how you feel or what you think.

a blunt but very good point.

[CubanChick]

Robyn,
I just read thru this post. I am so sorry to hear about what you are going thru. Addiction is very tough. I have a friend that dated someone that is a sex addict. It took a toll on her mentally and she just had to walk away. But she had no ties with him. You do. You owe it to yourself and your child and to him not to give up on him. Be strong for you both and give him that strength. In turn it may give him help on getting thru what is it sounds like is an addiction.

If you give up now, you will always have to live with the doubt that you didn't give it your all.

Best of luck

[schmichael]

robyn, i really applaude your attitude. in this day in age it would be much easier to listen to all those who don't value marriage or any relationship above their own selfish wants and just ditch this guy. BUT you haven't and i for one am glad about that.

i really like how you pointed out that you said you would be with him thru the good times and the bad times. this is certainly a bad time but you can work thru this together and hopefully you'll have a much stronger relationship for it.

all the best.

[SunnyInc.]

I go through cycles with porn. Sometime I'll go a month without watching it and then there are those weeks where I'll just go on a spree. I s'pose how much I'm getting has something to do with it but sometimes it doesn't... I don't know it's weird. I serve my dangleberries... I don't question them....

[mitchcumstein]

Originally Posted by SunnyInc.

I go through cycles with porn. Sometime I'll go a month without watching it and then there are those weeks where I'll just go on a spree. I s'pose how much I'm getting has something to do with it but sometimes it doesn't... I don't know it's weird. I serve my dangleberries... I don't question them....

That made me lol. Especially the part about going on a spree.

[Lifter101]

Does stop watching porn or no sex work with him?