I NEED opinions. What do you honestly think?

[Robyn81478]

OK, I need some HONEST answers here. I am a divorced mom of 3. I have a 6 year old and a 3 year old with my ex husband and a newborn with my boyfriend. My 6 year old attends kindergarten in the afternoon and then from 2:43 when she gets out of school until 5PM when my ex or I get off work she attends what is called "Latchkey" at the school. This is a "daycare" where any of the school age children with working parents go until their parents get off work. At Latchkey there is a girl that my 6 year old has taken a great liking to. This girl is 11 years old. The girl and my daughter get along great. The older girl helps my daughter spell words, helps her with math problems, helps her on the computer, draws with her etc. The older girl also has a brother who is 3 - the same age as my son and they attend daycare together every day and are best friends. Well, this past weekend my 6 year old asked if the 11 year old could come over and play. I told her she could and told her to bring the 3 year old boy to play with my 3 year old son. The 11 year old and 3 year old came over for 3 hours on Saturday afternoon. The two boys played with cars, spiderman, etc. The girls played school for a little bit, had races in the yard, wrote with sidewalk chalk and jumped on our trampoline. Then they all had lunch and the 11 year old and her younger brother left. My ex husband called me Tuesday night and asked if they came over. He then raised a HUGE stink about it and said the 11 year old was weird for wanting to hang out with my 6 year old. Said there must be something wrong with her. He went on and on to say that he has asked "all sorts of people" and they agree that he should have reason to be concerned with the older girl being friends with my daughter. Now, this girl is VERY polite, well behaved, friendly and sweet. She said please and thank you every time she asked for something. She even went as far as to tell my daughter that she should speak more nicely to me. She interacted very well with myself, my boyfriend and my mother when she stopped by. The little girl has never been "suspected" by anyone for doing anything inappropriate. She has 3 younger siblings and she babysits quite often. She spends a lot of time with younger children. I told my ex all of this and he still contends that I should not allow this older girl to hang out with my daughter because she is just "too weird" because she's 11 and my daughter is 6. I contend that the girl is a good influence and a good child and that she and my daughter get along and that's all that matters.

What do you think? Please be honest, I need opinions on this. Everyone I've asked says sometimes older children just feel comfortable around younger children and that it's not inappropriate, but he says everyone he asks says it's weird and he has reason to be concerned.

To top it all of, the girls mom called me today and said that her daughter came home from school with a letter from my daughter that said "I'm sorry if it hurts your feelings because ______ said we can't be friends anymore". I didn't add the name, but the name it said was my ex husbands fiance who is trying to be my childrens mother. I called my ex and asked him if he told our daughter they couldn't be friends any more and he said he never said that and neither did his fiance. I don't know any other reason my daughter would have written that note though. And now the poor little 11 year old doesn't think she's even allowed to talk to my daughter. I told her mom that was ridiculous and that she was welcome in our home any time.

[mitchcumstein]

Thats totally ridiculous. Sometimes older girls like to kinda play "big sister" to younger kids. I think its just part of their nature. Nothing strange or weird about it in the least. Sounds like a control issue with the ex.

[BiggerGuns=LongerDrives]

Well I am a father of 2 girls (ages 6 yrs and age 10 months), so I can relate.
I'd be weary myself, being a very protective father and all, but if you are a good mother, which I am sure you are, then I'd trust in you and your jusdgment of the situation. After all, isnt our childs interest #1 in both our hearts??? So he should trust you.

Screw him and his fiance, she can have any friends she wants while in your presence

[BiggerGuns=LongerDrives]

Originally Posted by mitchcumstein

Thats totally ridiculous. Sometimes older girls like to kinda play "big sister" to younger kids. I think its just part of their nature. Nothing strange or weird about it in the least. Sounds like a control issue with the ex.

Exactly, especially if we went back in time to when kids all lived in villages and towns, all the kids played together from the babies to the teenagers.
LOL well at least thats what I see in the movies of old westerns and stuff

[Will100]

when i was growing up there was like 10 of us on the street that would hang out and play....i was 6 when i moved there and one guy was 3 years younger, and most were 2-5 years older then me...so there was like 8 year difference between all the friends...not weird at all...and we all hung out and played road hockey\sports until highschoolISH...theres nothing weird about that...quality of the kids personality, not age thats important IMO...anyway i hope u have little problems resolving this

[warri0r87]

Originally Posted by mitchcumstein

Thats totally ridiculous. Sometimes older girls like to kinda play "big sister" to younger kids. I think its just part of their nature. Nothing strange or weird about it in the least. Sounds like a control issue with the ex.

i think mitch has it right there...

[GetFit]

I don't think there any any problem with the 11 year old hanging out with the 6 year old. However I would be concerned that your 6 year old is hanging out with the 11 year old and not children her own age. At her age she is very easily influenced and is growing socially. Which she needs to do with kids her own age, not some more mature girl. If your child socializes and plays well with kids her own age I wouldn't worry much about it.

[narcsarge]

I too don't think that there is any problem with the age difference. I happen to teach kids Martial Arts and I often find that the older girls (especially girls) and some of the older boys, are often friendly with younger kids. Absolutely nothing wrong with this. Sounds to me like your ex and his new mate are just trying to ruffle feathers. Don't get drawn into a battle with them. Smile, nod your head, no emails, or phone calls, and raise your kids as you will. If it gets too bad, take it to the courts and let a judge handle it.

[CubanChick]

Oh Gosh... No wonder he is an "EX" and to top it off he is an idiot! There is nothing wrong with the age difference. My daughter's sister when she was younger @ that time, she was an only child. She always liked to play with the younger kids in the family or neighborhood because she had noone else and liked to act like the older sister or big friend, etc.

That is just so stupid and if you see nothing wrong with it, then it should be ok for them to hang out. Its not like they out parading the streets together, they are in your home under supervision.

Kaila likes playing with the older kids in her daycare. She is 4 and hangs out with the 6-7 years olds when they are there for that same type of latchkey or camp programs. Its really no biggie. Some of the kids Kaila's age are just so off the wall, that she rather keep to herself.

[Rickster]

nothin wrong with it at all when i was like 9 my first friend ever was a girl in my neighborhood who was 3 years older then me, and i was friends with her brother who was a good 6 years older then me and we got along great and did all kinds of sh1t some good.....some bad..,..lol.

[Hannainnc]

I dont think there is anything wrong, I agree with GetFit about encouraging her to socialize with kids her own age as well...but it doesnt sound like this is her only friend, just one of them.

If she has an eleven year old sister and they hung out it would not be a big deal at all.

[MindFreak]

Originally Posted by Rickster

nothin wrong with it at all when i was like 9 my first friend ever was a girl in my neighborhood who was 3 years older then me, and i was friends with her brother who was a good 6 years older then me and we got along great and did all kinds of sh1t some good.....some bad..,..lol.

i agree. like the first chick i ever had sex with. i was 16 and she was 27. what's wrong with that?

[TorontoMoFo]

I dont think its weird. The 11 year old has just become really good friends with you 6 yr old daughter. They have kinda become like sisters. It happens.

And sriusly.. find out exacly what that whole note issues was about. Dont ever, ever let your ex's fiancee ever have any srt of influence on your children. fukin her ass if she ever tries to impose her will on your children.

And your ex.. he thinks its trippy tht a 11 yr old likes to hang with a 6 yr old. But he doesnt understand that just because they are not siblings its not healhy. Biological sisters that are a few years apart will play for hours! and nobody would think twice about it being "weird".

[fitme]

There's a reason why your ex is your ex. That is just ridiculous.
Never listen to a man. I learnt the hard way!
Sorry guys I'm havin a bad day!