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04-17-2007, 05:45 PM
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Is it approprite for a 14 yr old boy to say i love you to a girl?
Found out my son has been telling his "girlfriend" that he loves her. This doesn't make me concerned really, but i told him not too. Am i right on this?
The reason is, saying i love you to a girl means that you are completely commited to her, IMO. a (barely, march 27th) 14 year old can't be completely commited, and they only see each other a few times a month, but phone time is constant. My son's rules are no dating til 16, and girlfriends for that matter. since they see eachother seldom, i don't actually consider them dating. his mother won't let him be with her at her house even with the parents home, because they can be left alone easily. i agree with his, but he feels his rules are unfair. He and i talked for 2 hours and he understands my reasoning, but still doen't exactly like it. My response to that was "whether you like it or not, that's what your rules are." He's not mad at me, but a little "itched" with his mother. I know her and I are being somewhat strict, but this is the first involvement he has had with a girl on a somewhat higher level and we want him to have rules to keep him from getting into trouble (going too far with her) due to his immaturity. Just giving him strict guidance i guess. What kind of a response could he give to her if she says i love you, and he doesn't say it back?
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6'2" 225lbs 12% BF 
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04-17-2007, 06:41 PM
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they don't go to school together? well since it hasn't be that long since i was in middle school the "I love you" isn't really used in the same context as adults they are mostly repeating what they see on tv and stuff lol. Its understandable that you are concerned but theirs no reason to not let him be...if he really wants to be alone with her he could find away rules are pointless if you really think about it, plus he has his friends influencing him so your fight a losing battle telling him not to do something but your better off educating him about sex and stuff and the consequences of things and what you will do if something happens and you find out.
I guess you could tell him to kiss her on the check but this just delays the inevitable she going to want to hear the words lol. If theirs anything you should tell him its that his world shouldn't revolve around her i dont' want another kid going crazy cuz his girl broke up with him !_!
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04-17-2007, 07:06 PM
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No they dont go to school together until next year. She is the same age as him, but started a year early. Her being in 9th and he being in 8th. both 14. 9th is high school (at the high school building) in his district. I've already go after him for talking too much. he ran up the cell phone bill and i about strangled him. text and extra minutes and everything. it was like 180 bucks. Rules are not pointless. giving him no rules means he can do whatever he wants whenever he wants. Although he has to make the final choice, rules are to guide him to make the wiser decision. He thinks he is immune to the "temptations" of being with a girl. He has no idea how easy it is to go too far. I do. The point is he has never been in the situation to be alone with a girl, and he isn't mature enough to handle it. That's wy he has rules. The kid is really innocent. He doesn't swear, he is very obedient, honest and a genuinely loving kid. His friends are all good kids that also never would do drugs or anything like that and dont swear either. I'm not trying to sound oblivious to what middle school kids do, i know i was there, but he is honest with me and he is a good kid. Having said that, going with a girl is too much for him. This ma be a good way for him to ease into the more mature age without having to learn things the hard way. I have talked to him about sex and all the consequences and everything. In fact, I believe i made a thread about 18 months ago on the very subject. The funny thing is i asked him why he would say "i love you" to her. He responded: "well, you know how you get to know a person and you really care about them and so i told her i love her cuz i care about her" I couldn't help but chuckle a bit. I thought it was cute. I told him that it is one thing to care about a girl, and another to tell her you love her. and that girls expect something when they hear that. I'm not gonna punish him nor would i for something so light, but his mother would ground him. (i haven't told her). i only found out about it after she called me and wondered what was going on. I easily got it out of him with not even asking. I guess i am lucky my so trusts me with anything and everything. That may change somehat with time, but we are really close. Better than best friends. He tells me the dumb stuff he oes and gets in trouble and never tells his mom, although sometimes i do because he did something bad, but just keeping him in line. FYI he lives in Az with his mom and I in Ut. And no, his mom is not my ex or anything like that. complicated, really. I'm only 20 myself. don't care to explain, but anyways.
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6'2" 225lbs 12% BF
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04-17-2007, 08:50 PM
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your being too strict. tell him to use protection and let him nail her.
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"He is not human. He's like a piece of iron."
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04-17-2007, 08:59 PM
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i believe you need to stick to your guns.
i had the same rules but the weasel i am i managed to break them and make some very bad choices, which still haunt me to this day. really does he know what love is at 14?? probably not puupy love sure infatuation more then likely. man this brings back memories, talking on the phone constantly(she lived pretty far away, and i only got to see her on the weekends) then i constantly had to push the limits like any 15 yo would, she was 16.
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04-17-2007, 09:28 PM
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just because u consider him not old enough to know what 'love' is doesnt mean he doesnt feel love. i could ask u the same question and explain to me what exactly love is. it is a metaphysical entity? is it really explainable or is it something that u just 'know'? also is it something that u may consider 'man made human emotion' which has no place within the 'true' faculty of man. is it a form of 'Eros' from the ancient greeks or something different? does it have an Onotological or Epistomelogical origin? my point is that even u do not know what love is, (you cannot nail it down and completely define it, if so i shall title u the greatest philosopher in history) so u shouldnt b critising your son for the very same reason.
on another note. setting strict rules is more likely going to entice him to break them. i do not mean to say that there shouldnt b rules (because u need some form of rules), but the stricter the rules the less likely that any faction of them will be followed.
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04-18-2007, 12:13 AM
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Anyways, I dont have kids, I cant really give advice. My parents never really gave me any rules. I have never been grounded or punished, never had any strict guidlines to live by. I helped them around the house, chipped in, when I was 16 I got a job, paid for all the fun things, they still paid everything else. I was a legitimately good kid. I am 21, never done drugs, never drank before i was 21 (except with my parents every now and then). I have yet to be to a party and have never seen a keg at college. I have only had 1 girlfriend, dated her recently, and way back in 8th grade when I was 15. My parents never gave us many restrictions, we were alone fairly often, and we dated for 5 months, and only kisssed twice. We only held and hands and i put my arm around her. My point to all of that is, rules, and regulations, arent necessarily required to raise a child the way you want them to turn out. I saw my parents trusted me and respected me a lot. I never messed up, so they didnt have a reason to punish me, or put restrictions on me. I repsected that they respected me. I had a slight fear of ruining that bond, and that helped deter me, but for the most part, I never had the urge to do anything they wouldnt have approved of. So just consider the effectiveness of letting them make their own good decisions, some kids can do it on their own, without parents pressuring them.
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Squat - 405 Deadlift - 510 Bench - 315 Total - 1230
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04-18-2007, 04:31 AM
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sounds like my parents...though when i fuked up....they let me know.....
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04-18-2007, 06:02 AM
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oh puppy love! 
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http://www.myspace.com/cubanchick8772
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04-18-2007, 08:33 AM
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tell a kid not to have sex...the second he gets her alone they will do it with or without protection...tell him its their choice to love each other\have sex, and to be very careful (protection etc) then the kids judgement will actually become a factor as well as deductive reasoning
once a kid hits the age of 6 or 7 ur job in raising them is basically done...after that age ur there for support, love and guidance, not control and trying to change them in short: GUIDE your child to make the proper decisions, dont force it on them...let him make his own mistakes, and when he makes mistakes, help him realize that mistakes are ok so long as he learns from them if u choose to let ur kid live, make his own mistakes, instead of controlling him, both yourself and your kid will be happier...DO NOT underestimate the maturity of a 14 year old...if u guide them they will listen, if u control them they will resist and be angry little ass holes...BELIEVE ME on that 
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age 19 the numbers are rising
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04-18-2007, 08:39 AM
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[quote=BUFFLURP;594464]. The kid is really innocent. He doesn't swear, he is very obedient, honest and a genuinely loving kid. QUOTE]
sorry, in addition to my last post If hes like that at 14, uve done ur job as a parent..uve done a good job...now let him make his own mistakes and his own glories...uve done a good job, so now watch him flourish on his own, and when he needs support or a kick in the a$$ to motivate or whatever then step in i told my parents the same thing when i was younger...no parent wants to hear their kid is ready to live...but it happens...My parents stopped pestering me (finally lol) when i was a lil older then him, not much tho...i turned out ok...i go to the top University in Canada (one of the best in the world), im well adjusted, i have a balanced life, and im not afraid to make mistakes cuz i know ill learn from em he sounds like hes ready for a longer leash
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age 19 the numbers are rising
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04-19-2007, 03:32 AM
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th e y say mas tu rb a t io n eff e ct s th e abil i t y to r ea d thin g s pr o perly.
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04-19-2007, 03:50 AM
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yeesh, i was telling girls i loved them in what you call kindergarden
lighten up, the more rules you impose the more they will fight against you and your will. We all make mistakes, we learn from them... thats life. i think by letting him learn from his own mistakes instead of possibly making him learn from yours could be the issue here. hell, that would want me to do it more one thing i dont understand... your son is 14? you are 20? i'm lost on this aspect....
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Trample the weak.....hurdle the dead
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04-19-2007, 06:55 AM
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You had a kid at 6 years old?
And now you don't want him to date at 14.....  Nothing make sense about this...
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04-19-2007, 09:10 AM
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i dunno i say let me him see her wats the big deal.. u think there going to run off and get married.. lol
I mylsef was having sex at 14.. lol i dunno my parents didnt know.. i was a sneaky lil basterdd iam now almost 20 and now my mom knows wat happens as soon as that door closes.. lol
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~Mase~ 20yrs young Bench: 325 Squat: 405 Weight: 215 Last edited by Mase64; 04-19-2007 at 09:12 AM.
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04-19-2007, 09:33 AM
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th e y say mas tu rb a t io n eff e ct s th e abil i t y to r ea d thin g s pr o perly.
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04-19-2007, 09:40 AM
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Well I have 2 kids and one will be 7 yrs old in July. So I have experience and knowlegde on the subject I dont know you Will100, but you are a clown if you think a kid doesnt need "raising" after 7. That mentality is part of whats wrong with society today as a whole. As a parent, your job doesnt stop until they are an adult!!!!!!!!!!!! Even at 18, young men need direction. I turned out ok for not having a mother and father around much and having been raised by my grandmother who gave me a giant leash and allowed me to pretty much do as I pleased. She gave me guidance, but also gave me free reign. IF I HAD PARENTS AROUND RAISING ME, PUSHING ME, who knows, maybe I'd be a doctor or a lawyer today!!!! I'm all for not controlling your kids, but that only goes so far because as parents ITS YOUR JOB TO RAISE THEM and turn them into proper adults. It's not your job to sit back and be a "monitor" and give your kids free reign to fvck up and screw around all they want. So far as the original thread, so what? He tells her he loves her. I was doing that around that age too, it's not a big deal...
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