Is it approprite for a 14 yr old boy to say i love you to a girl?

[BiggerGuns=LongerDrives]

Originally Posted by RJSMuscle

if he wants to scare women off, the best way is to use the "L" word early on. Watch'em run

I think thats backwards bro

It's boys that run from that word, usually girls are more emotional and accepting of that word.
Sometimes guys use it as a way to soften them up in order to "further" their relationship

[RJSMuscle]

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[CubanChick]

Originally Posted by RJSMuscle

if he wants to scare women off, the best way is to use the "L" word early on. Watch'em run

I've heard thats the way you scare men off, lol!

I remember the first time a boy told me he loved me, then he asked me to be his wife, lol.. I was in kindergarten! Funny $hit...

[CubanChick]

Originally Posted by BiggerGuns=LongerDrives

I think thats backwards bro

It's boys that run from that word, usually girls are more emotional and accepting of that word.
Sometimes guys use it as a way to soften them up in order to "further" their relationship

Yes we are very emotional creatures. ahhaaaa Tommy, so that is your technique?

[musclesntx]

Originally Posted by BUFFLURP

Found out my son has been telling his "girlfriend" that he loves her. This doesn't make me concerned really, but i told him not too. Am i right on this?

The reason is, saying i love you to a girl means that you are completely commited to her, IMO. a (barely, march 27th) 14 year old can't be completely commited, and they only see each other a few times a month, but phone time is constant.

My son's rules are no dating til 16, and girlfriends for that matter. since they see eachother seldom, i don't actually consider them dating. his mother won't let him be with her at her house even with the parents home, because they can be left alone easily. i agree with his, but he feels his rules are unfair. He and i talked for 2 hours and he understands my reasoning, but still doen't exactly like it. My response to that was "whether you like it or not, that's what your rules are." He's not mad at me, but a little "itched" with his mother. I know her and I are being somewhat strict, but this is the first involvement he has had with a girl on a somewhat higher level and we want him to have rules to keep him from getting into trouble (going too far with her) due to his immaturity. Just giving him strict guidance i guess.


What kind of a response could he give to her if she says i love you, and he doesn't say it back?

I figure it's probably more appropriate than asking for parenting advice on a bb'ing message board. lol

Kids will be kids. Go ahead and restrict him if you want and tell him he can't touch her. Then he'll rebel and she'll be knocked up before she's 15...

I'm all for raising your kids and guiding them. At just 2 1/2, I'm proud of the man my son is going to be because although he knows he is very loved and will always have me as support, I don't hesitate to yank him back if he gets out of line. Few 31 month old kids say Sir, Ma'am, Please, Thank you, etc...

With that being said, I'm sure he'll tell some little girl he loves him way before he knows what the word means. And honestly, I don't see how saying it could lead to any harm. No more than me telling him he can't.

[BUFFLURP]

Originally Posted by warri0r87

just because u consider him not old enough to know what 'love' is doesnt mean he doesnt feel love. i could ask u the same question and explain to me what exactly love is. it is a metaphysical entity? is it really explainable or is it something that u just 'know'? also is it something that u may consider 'man made human emotion' which has no place within the 'true' faculty of man. is it a form of 'Eros' from the ancient greeks or something different? does it have an Onotological or Epistomelogical origin? my point is that even u do not know what love is, (you cannot nail it down and completely define it, if so i shall title u the greatest philosopher in history) so u shouldnt b critising your son for the very same reason.

on another note. setting strict rules is more likely going to entice him to break them. i do not mean to say that there shouldnt b rules (because u need some form of rules), but the stricter the rules the less likely that any faction of them will be followed.

Sure, he feels love, but that doesn't mean he tells the first girl he's been with that he loves her. ****, I have never said it to a girl because they expect you to get married at my age. When i was younger i din't either. In 8th grade there was a girl named kayla. she was all i ever thought about. We had math class together and we liked eachother a lot. I even kissed her once. No big deal. If my son kisses her once, i won't mind at all. BUT, i never told her i loved her. Even if i thought i did.




My rules aren't that strict people. come on. So i tell him he can't be alone with a girl so he doesn't knock her up at 14 years old. If this is being too strict this world has gone down the hole. I can't imagine parents not caring that their kids get laid at 14. that makes me sick. No kid should do that. If you got the urge that bad, go spank it.



Whoever doesn't have kids needs to shut up, really. You don't have kids so you don't have a clue about parenting. dont post immature things like "let him knock her up!" yeah, great and have a pregnant 14 yr old girl. good choice, dumb fvck.



I do trust my son to make good decisions on his own. He's a good kid. And some rules will just help him stay that way. Besides, he told me he agrees with me. He even assured me after i asked him if he was just saying that to make me happy.


Skullmurdoc, He is adopted, my friend, and i am legally his father. But he does have biological relationship to me. complicated.



they do see eachother. Just not everyday. not always even every week. but their schedules don't allow it anyways. She just wants him to go over to her house when her parents aren't home. And I raised the "hell no" flag to that.


The reason for telling him not to say i love you is because he will end up saying it to every girl he dates in the future. It's just him in particular. He thinks caring means loving. not the same thing. Just because you care about someone doesn't mean you tell them you love them. there are big differences between those two.



I am still parented by my parents. Parents always know more than their kids on life situations. they have all been there. Kids have not. My mom and dad had their first kid when my dad was 18(pregnant he was 17). my mom was 19. Do you have any idea how hard life is without schooling and supporting a wife and kid? My parents do. My dad said it was the biggest mistake he made in life and it made life way too hard. (I'm not saying my sister was a mistake).


Whoever said that kids are done at 7 being parented is purely mentally handicapped.


For those of you who know me on here more understand where i am coming from on this whole subject.

He told me he doesn't feel forced either. Just thinks it's "dumb" that i won't let him do whatever he wants, but he also said he knows he needs rules to stay in line. He told me he will respect the rules, but will pipe up if he disagrees. And he always has and we have always resolved it and have never had an issue. In the 14 years i have known him (yes all 14), me being 6 i have nevered yell at him and he has never given me attitude or argument.

[BUFFLURP]

Originally Posted by CubanChick

I've heard thats the way you scare men off, lol!

I remember the first time a boy told me he loved me, then he asked me to be his wife, lol.. I was in kindergarten! Funny $hit...

You are exactly right. My last girl friend tongued me on the third date, which was too fast for me with that particular girl and i ran like hell.

Guys get afraid of commitment. girls want it as fast as they can get it.

[BUFFLURP]

Originally Posted by bencozzy

i believe you need to stick to your guns.

i had the same rules but the weasel i am i managed to break them and make some very bad choices, which still haunt me to this day.

really does he know what love is at 14?? probably not puupy love sure infatuation more then likely.

man this brings back memories, talking on the phone constantly(she lived pretty far away, and i only got to see her on the weekends) then i constantly had to push the limits like any 15 yo would, she was 16.

See this dude knows what's up. Why? because he was there, messed up and regrets it still. He understands. He also has a decent conscience.

[wnxmaximus]

Originally Posted by BUFFLURP

Sure, he feels love, but that doesn't mean he tells the first girl he's been with that he loves her. ****, I have never said it to a girl because they expect you to get married at my age. When i was younger i din't either. In 8th grade there was a girl named kayla. she was all i ever thought about. We had math class together and we liked eachother a lot. I even kissed her once. No big deal. If my son kisses her once, i won't mind at all. BUT, i never told her i loved her. Even if i thought i did.




My rules aren't that strict people. come on. So i tell him he can't be alone with a girl so he doesn't knock her up at 14 years old. If this is being too strict this world has gone down the hole. I can't imagine parents not caring that their kids get laid at 14. that makes me sick. No kid should do that. If you got the urge that bad, go spank it.



Whoever doesn't have kids needs to shut up, really. You don't have kids so you don't have a clue about parenting. dont post immature things like "let him knock her up!" yeah, great and have a pregnant 14 yr old girl. good choice, dumb fvck.



I do trust my son to make good decisions on his own. He's a good kid. And some rules will just help him stay that way. Besides, he told me he agrees with me. He even assured me after i asked him if he was just saying that to make me happy.


Skullmurdoc, He is adopted, my friend, and i am legally his father. But he does have biological relationship to me. complicated.



they do see eachother. Just not everyday. not always even every week. but their schedules don't allow it anyways. She just wants him to go over to her house when her parents aren't home. And I raised the "hell no" flag to that.


The reason for telling him not to say i love you is because he will end up saying it to every girl he dates in the future. It's just him in particular. He thinks caring means loving. not the same thing. Just because you care about someone doesn't mean you tell them you love them. there are big differences between those two.



I am still parented by my parents. Parents always know more than their kids on life situations. they have all been there. Kids have not. My mom and dad had their first kid when my dad was 18(pregnant he was 17). my mom was 19. Do you have any idea how hard life is without schooling and supporting a wife and kid? My parents do. My dad said it was the biggest mistake he made in life and it made life way too hard. (I'm not saying my sister was a mistake).


Whoever said that kids are done at 7 being parented is purely mentally handicapped.


For those of you who know me on here more understand where i am coming from on this whole subject.

He told me he doesn't feel forced either. Just thinks it's "dumb" that i won't let him do whatever he wants, but he also said he knows he needs rules to stay in line. He told me he will respect the rules, but will pipe up if he disagrees. And he always has and we have always resolved it and have never had an issue. In the 14 years i have known him (yes all 14), me being 6 i have nevered yell at him and he has never given me attitude or argument.

I am just not quite sure why you are so positive they will do something if you leave them alone. Like I said before, i was left alone with my girlfriend, and we never did anything other than hold hands really. You are assuming he would "mess up" if you werent there to stop him, that isnt a good assumption, teenagers know when their parents dont have faith in them. He is at the age he wnats to start showing you he can be mature, he can make smart decisions, he starting the process of becoming a man, so hes got to be treated a little differently each year, he can tell if you are letting him become who he knows he can.

[BUFFLURP]

Originally Posted by Will100

sorry, in addition to my last post

If hes like that at 14, uve done ur job as a parent..uve done a good job...now let him make his own mistakes and his own glories...uve done a good job, so now watch him flourish on his own, and when he needs support or a kick in the a$$ to motivate or whatever then step in

i told my parents the same thing when i was younger...no parent wants to hear their kid is ready to live...but it happens...My parents stopped pestering me (finally lol) when i was a lil older then him, not much tho...i turned out ok...i go to the top University in Canada (one of the best in the world), im well adjusted, i have a balanced life, and im not afraid to make mistakes cuz i know ill learn from em

he sounds like hes ready for a longer leash

I feel i have done an exceptional job thus far, no fighting ever. no bad feelings on his part ever towards me. He just doesn't need to make some types of mistakes. Some mistakes yes. Mistakes with having sex and that stuff is not a good choice, IMO. it can only lead to problems in the future(non-marital pregnancy, abortion and those bad situaions.) Hell, I'm a virgin myself. Not that i can't get a lady, but i feel sex is a for-your-wife-only type of commitment. That's what i need my son to understand. And he does, but the girls that don't agree will pressure him to it. And telling girls he loves them only increases a girls attachment and expectation of such things. He doesn't need to be pressured into things he (yes he) feels are wrong. He just thinks that he won't be tempted to do it, but boy is he wrong on that one. thats what i have been trying to get at. finally go the wording right. haha.

[BUFFLURP]

Originally Posted by wnxmaximus

I am just not quite sure why you are so positive they will do something if you leave them alone. Like I said before, i was left alone with my girlfriend, and we never did anything other than hold hands really. You are assuming he would "mess up" if you werent there to stop him, that isnt a good assumption, teenagers know when their parents dont have faith in them. He is at the age he wnats to start showing you he can be mature, he can make smart decisions, he starting the process of becoming a man, so hes got to be treated a little differently each year, he can tell if you are letting him become who he knows he can.

I don't assume he will mess up. I actually assume he won't, because of what his moral values are. He in particular has an immature mind set (meaning he is still very innocent) in the field of girls. Just letting him into it little by little.

But actually, i appreciate this advice a lot. makes good sense to me. thanks.

[MindFreak]

Originally Posted by Will100

once a kid hits the age of 6 or 7 ur job in raising them is basically done...after that age ur there for support, love and guidance, not control and trying to change them

are you kidding me? i hope you werent serious. that very well may be the STUPIDEST thing i have ever heard. my son is 10 i guess i should have been raising him 3 years ago? . dude, i really dont call people names too often. but you are retarded.

[Will100]

Re-Read the quote of myself u used...."once a kid hits the age of 6 or 7 ur job in raising them is basically done...after that age ur there for support, love and guidance, not control and trying to change them"

NO WHERE DID I SAY A PAReNT IS USELESS...last time i checked GUIDANCE is a HUGE part of a parents job...did u understand the part where i said U CANNOT CHANGE WHO THEY ARE...thats what i was saying.

a persons personailty is shaped before the age of 7... i didnt say the parents are done completely...but by 7 a child has developed its personality, how it thinks etc...i did mention that parents should always be there to support, love and be a safey net...but in terms of shaping there personality, a parents job is done by the time the kid is 6-7.. i didnt say the kid knows everything about right and wrong, i didnt say the kid can survive without the parent...im 19, i still rely on my parents financially (half my tuition) and i still ask them for advice...if im such a retard

im also a psych student. thats one of the things we've learned, stupidest thing uve ever heard? i guess all that EMPIRICAL research is just BS? no child at 7 can survive without a parent. i did not say that...but a parents job in terms of helping instill morals etc is DONE by early childhood

and mind freak: this helps emphasize that a child is its own person at a very young age, and theres nothing a parent can do to CHANGE WHO THEY ARE. Personality wise a parents job is done by a young age, your out of line calling me retarted, i was simply sharing psychological fact. Maybe you shoulda done some reseach, or better yet be a psych student at a top university before you called me a retard.

"Realize that your child's immature behavioral style is not your "fault" because temperament is biological not something he learned from you. Still it is within your power to help your child cope with his temperament - and eventually to understand himself better instead of feeling sorry for yourself for having a noisy, distractible or shy child. Learn to accept this as his nature and then develop a strategy to help him adapt in a socially acceptable way. Replace a victimized mind-set with an adult resolve to help your child ameliorate his difficulties. Above all, remember that all temperamental qualities can be shaped to work to a child's advantage if they are sensibly managed."

http://www.childdevelopmentinfo.com/development/temperament_and_your_child.htm#Coping%20With%20You r%20Child's%20Personality

[MindFreak]

Originally Posted by Will100

a persons personailty is shaped before the age of 7... i didnt say the parents are done completely...but by 7 a child has developed its personality, how it thinks etc...i did mention that parents should always be there to support, love and be a safey net...but in terms of shaping there personality, a parents job is done by the time the kid is 6-7

im also a psych student. thats one of the things we've learned, stupidest thing uve ever heard? i guess all that EMPIRICAL research is just BS? no child at 7 can survive without a parent. i did not say that...but a parents job in terms of helping instill morals etc is DONE by early childhood

yep you're retarded and if anyone "taught" you that they are retarded too. have some kids of your own and come back in 7 years. bet you change your mind. until you know what you're talking about -- DON'T talk at all

[Will100]

calling me a retard is a good argument, u must be a genius or something?...i was tryin to have a grown up discussion, and u still call me a retard...looks like between us, im the one taking the mature route...ur choosing parts of my argument and ignoring the rest...being a parent is #1 on my life goals list...no amount of money or great career could ever beat being a dad...i have 4 young cousins, and i was 7 when the first was born and i wanted to be a dad as soon as i started taking care of him. Dont get mad at me because a child develops its lifelong personality at a young age. No where in my argument did i say that a parent is done raising a child at that age, all i said is that by 6-7 a parent cant change the personality of a child

grow up dude, if u want me to take you seriously stop using "YOUR A RETARD, GET SOME KIDS THEN TALK" as your argument.

at least BGLD used his opinions to say he thinks im wrong instead of calling me a retard

[Will100]

on that note, BGLD, like i just told mindfreak...no parent is done raising their kids at 7 lol...i meant that personality wise, if uve taught good morals etc before the age of 6-7 (short of a serious genetic predisposition to be a murderer etc) chances are ur kid is gonna turn out great, and after 6-7 ur there for motivation, support, guidance and to help them learn from their mistakes...which like i previously stated is a HUGE job for a parent.