relationship trouble...can we talk? - BodybuildingForYou

ktinspired · #1 (**permalink**) 01-26-2007, 09:02 AM

I been sorta down lately cause me and the ole man have really been getting along. I feel like he just doesn't listen to me anymore. Whenever we are talking about something he wants to argue or says the exact opposite to what I say.

I'm getting so fed up with the way he's been communicating, that now Im getting testy with him. Have a much shorter fuse lately. Which definately doesn't help I know but damn he drives me crazy. I hear him on the phone wth his buddy's and think .."he doesn't talk to them the way he talks to me" I speak and I get interupted and shut down. But he's so understanding and compassionate when it comes to his friends.

IT's been going on for a couple of months now...every aspect of our relationship has changed. I feel real lonely most of the time and find myself wondering if I should even be here any more. Im crazy about him and he used to be crazy about me but things have changed so much ...Im scared, and my heart hurts. it makes me cry when i think about what we had and were we are now.

Anyway, I know this is kind personal stuff...but its better to talk to you guys about it than my mother.

POWERJIM · #2 (**permalink**) 01-26-2007, 09:07 AM

Maybe an ultimatum is due? Relationships are hard work sorry to hear that your so down.

ktinspired · #3 (**permalink**) 01-26-2007, 10:23 AM

Im not sure what kind of ultimatum that would be....like me or Im leaving? Ive tried to talk to him about it but it always turns into an argument.

I wish I could rewind and figure out exactly when this started and if it is something I said or did....

Hannainnc · #4 (**permalink**) 01-26-2007, 10:44 AM

I think it's cause you quit smoking. Ever since I quit I'm a horrible beast to those I love.

I think I just have no patience, so that types of behaviour that I normally can "tolerate" are intolerable now.

ktinspired · #5 (**permalink**) 01-26-2007, 10:52 AM

Quote:

Originally Posted by Hannainnc

I think it's cause you quit smoking. Ever since I quit I'm a horrible beast to those I love.

I think I just have no patience, so that types of behaviour that I normally can "tolerate" are intolerable now.

you have an excellent point!!!! I have been hypersensitive. And that other thing I told you about didn't start till I quit smoking. And you know what... all day today has been a super struggle to not go to the store and get a pack.

7digits · #6 (**permalink**) 01-26-2007, 11:23 AM

sit down and talk to him. you have gone through enough in the past few month with the passing of your freind and you quit smoking. you are a great person and you should not be made to feel second best. i hope everything works out for the better.

ktinspired · #7 (**permalink**) 01-26-2007, 12:09 PM

Quote:

Originally Posted by 7digits

sit down and talk to him. you have gone through enough in the past few month with the passing of your freind and you quit smoking. you are a great person and you should not be made to feel second best. i hope everything works out for the better.

thats so nice of you to say that 7digits...

Ive been thinking about it and I think rather than sit down and talk to him, Im gonna write him a letter. This way he wont feel the need to interupt me or argue what Im trying to get him to understand.

At our wednsday bible study the pastor seemed to pick a topic that was all about us. I know it made the ole man stop and think.....or at least I hope it did. So hopefully he will be more understanding toward the way I feel.

THe ole man is a really great guy. I don't want it to sound like he's a jerk. I just think maybe he has gotten complacent. For that matter maybe I have too.

7digits · #8 (**permalink**) 01-26-2007, 12:24 PM

you are very welcome. he has to be a great guy if he landed a awsome gal like you. i hope everything works out for you both.

Cammo · #9 (**permalink**) 01-26-2007, 12:37 PM

I was like that with my wife last year - she moved out for 4 months & since she's been back, we are getting on great (I was withdrawing from those nasty drugs & we were both emotionally drained & no good for each other at the time). We both needed the time out to deal with our sh!t & recharge our batteries - maybe you guys (or the ole man) is just pretty tired at the moment (you being hypersensitive won't be helping).

I think you should either take a little break - not to be single again, just a bit of time out from each other.... It'll make you both realise what you've got in each other....

OR

.....take a holiday together - that's one of the main reasons my wife & I went to Rarotonga last year. We needed to spend time with each other without the stresses of normal daily life getting thrown at us - it'll do you the world of good.

ktinspired · #10 (**permalink**) 01-26-2007, 01:04 PM

Im happy to hear you and your wife worked through it all. A holiday away from here may be a good idea. Im hoping for some reconnecting myself.

One of our passions is riding the motorcycle together. When things got sticky we'd just jump on the bike and ride it out. But the bike's being rebuild and we haven't had that as an outlet.

We have waited and waited for all these teenagers to move out. Now we are here by ourselves its like OMG we have to actually talk to each other. Its really not what I invisioned....I saw us screwing all over the house.. not having to get dress till we felt like......and it really hasn't been anything like that. Its been a month we've been here alone..I think we've done "it"once.

I do have faith...as we are very much in love..but Im soooo lost.

Cammo · #11 (**permalink**) 01-26-2007, 01:24 PM

You may need to spice things up a bit - go to an adult store together & get "goodies"

It sounds exactly like what we went through - everything we'd say would get a snappy response & you just don't feel like making an effort because you are always pissed at the other (even though you love them dearly, you hate them so much for being so negative at the same time).

It's a shame about the bike - it sounds like you both need to do something that makes you happy together - I am always happier when my wife is happy.
When she's pissed off, it pisses me off & so the snowball starts rolling....I have now learn't to ignore a lot of the negative stuff & concentrate on the positive & it's made a huge difference (I also asked my wife nicely to stop listening to talkback radio

- why? 1. I see it more for the older type 2. Music is "happier" 3. Most people that ring up are depressives with nothing better to do than moan & it starts rubbing off after a while).

Best of luck KT - you'll pull through.

ktinspired · #12 (**permalink**) 01-26-2007, 01:32 PM

Quote:

Originally Posted by Cammo

You may need to spice things up a bit - go to an adult store together & get "goodies"

It sounds exactly like what we went through - everything we'd say would get a snappy response & you just don't feel like making an effort because you are always pissed at the other (even though you love them dearly, you hate them so much for being so negative at the same time).

It's a shame about the bike - it sounds like you both need to do something that makes you happy together - I am always happier when my wife is happy.
When she's pissed off, it pisses me off & so the snowball starts rolling....I have now learn't to ignore a lot of the negative stuff & concentrate on the positive & it's made a huge difference (I also asked my wife nicely to stop listening to talkback radio

- why? 1. I see it more for the older type 2. Music is "happier" 3. Most people that ring up are depressives with nothing better to do than moan & it starts rubbing off after a while).

Best of luck KT - you'll pull through.

The ole man listens to talk radio all day in his truck!!!!! LOL
Last night we're in the truck at the drive thru of taco bell..

I cant remember what i was saying to him .....but as Im talking he leans forward and turns that talk radio on........I just took a deep breath ...but it really hurt that he had no regard for the fact that I was talking to him. That translates to me "what you have to say means nothing to me"

Hannainnc · #13 (**permalink**) 01-26-2007, 04:27 PM

Some guy at my husbands work told him "a happy wife is a happy life" no truer words have ever been spoken.

narcsarge · #14 (**permalink**) 01-26-2007, 11:25 PM

Quote:

Originally Posted by Hannainnc

Some guy at my husbands work told him "a happy wife is a happy life" no truer words have ever been spoken.

God knows that is that so true in my house! If Momma ain't happy, Nobodies happy!

Sounds like 7digits hit it KT! Cammo's advice is great too! My sig and I always get into it over having another child. With all her medical issues and her weight, I am scared to death to think of what a pregnancy would do to her health! Not the same as you and yours by any means. I just can't seen to help mine out any more!

CubanChick · #15 (**permalink**) 01-27-2007, 06:51 AM

Quote:

Originally Posted by ktinspired

The ole man listens to talk radio all day in his truck!!!!! LOL
Last night we're in the truck at the drive thru of taco bell..

I cant remember what i was saying to him .....but as Im talking he leans forward and turns that talk radio on........I just took a deep breath ...but it really hurt that he had no regard for the fact that I was talking to him. That translates to me "what you have to say means nothing to me"

KT... I would have ripped him a new one right there for that one.
Good luck to you with the ole man. Maybe now that you have no kids in the house to take care of, you have realized that appreciation time is here. Sounds like you need more attention from the ole man and he is just not on the same boat.

Search deep inside yourself to see what will really make you happy, now that everyone else is on their own. You are still young and I know your ole man has a few years on ya, maybe he is too settled and there is no change in the picture.

Everyone has some good advice on here for you, but you need to really dig deep for YOU!

Good luck..

ktinspired · #16 (**permalink**) 01-27-2007, 08:31 AM

Ok...last night when he came home I was just beat physically and mentally. So I asked him if wanted to go out and try soemplace we hadn't eatin before. Over dinner we were having a nice time so I just told him .."you know I miss you..Does it seem to you like things have changed?" So that sorta opened up the conversation...which went extremely well.
Writing a letter, you cant make eye contact or feel emotion.

Anyway I tried not to make the conversation too heavy as not to spoil the evening. He seemed to be very receptive to what I told him...which was basically what I told you guys.
We went and did some shopping after dinner. When we got home and tucked in bed he told me he was so sorry if he had made me feel unloved or disrespected.

THat made me tear up..cause he listed to me and he heard me and he cared .....I was shocked. Then there was the ...well you know, makin up part

Now Im not expecting that things are gonna change but a at least he realizes
I haven't been feeling great about us. THis morning I was still in bed when he left but he woke me up to say he loved me and wants to spend a nice afternoon together.

Im feeling much better today....and talking with you all about it sorta help me to see that I have been acting different too. And I sorta lost sight of that.
I realized that we had gotten into the day to day just going thru the motions. I also forgot that he live the same month of december that I did. That was very selfish of me..to forget him and his feelings on all the tragedy.

I'll let you know how it goes.............

Renegade68 · #17 (**permalink**) 01-29-2007, 02:35 AM

KT - been reading your thread - glad it seems like things are headed back in the right direction.

We must be near the same age - my oldest is out, and the youngest turns 20 next month and is moving out shortly after, ..... finally. (LOL)

My wife and I have gone thru that stuff too - and sorry to