Talking to your kids about sex.

[BUFFLURP]

Ok, well last time i was with my son, i gave him "the speech" about sex. We talked for about 1 1/2 hrs on it. It was so funny because my son really is more innocent than most 5 year olds, no lying, he had alot of questions, and i think i handled it pretty well. We talked about waiting til marraige, having urges(i didnt say horny, i just couldnt), body developmetn, and the whole bit. Then of course, i gave him the religious point of view on sexual things.

anyway, did you guys find it hard to talk to your kids about sex?

I didnt really. it was hard when he didnt understand something, but that is expected.

Have you talked to your kids about sex at all? given they are of age.

what was harder for you to talk about, what was easier?

I really found that talking about puberty and body development was easy. explaining girls was harder. He already knew about how conception works(sperm amd egg).

What was hardest was trying to tell him why people have sex outside of marraige and why people masterbate. I told him that masturbation was a sin, and shouldnt. he didnt understand what the attraction to it was. I told him never to find out, lol. but still i told him people do it because it feels good, and such. Then he was so cute because he asked if adjusting yourself while having an erection was considered masturbation(innocent i tell ya).

overall the talk was good and we discussed it pretty in depth with a serious but relaxed way. it wasnt uncomfortable for either of us too bad.



my parents never talked to me about sex. I wish they had when i was younger because I was pretty naive til H.S.



anyway, any thoughts? experiences?

[TrainedMind]

well, being an older brother and of an asian descent: it is the responsibility of the big brother to somewhat take the father figure, if for some reason the father is not around. I wish I talked to my little brother about my experiences with all that stuff. before he got out of hand. sex is taboo subject in my culture no one ever talked about it with me. Uncles, Father and so forth was all about work. work . work. Good topic to discuss, Buff. I hope you get good feedbacks.

[Hannainnc]

Sex talk in my house consists of "babies come from mommies tummy when a dad and mom love eachother". heh. I'll get into further detail when he is older.

Mine is only 6..he has really only asked about babies and why girls don't have pee pees. lol

[BUFFLURP]

Originally Posted by Hannainnc

Sex talk in my house consists of "babies come from mommies tummy when a dad and mom love eachother". heh. I'll get into further detail when he is older.

Mine is only 6..he has really only asked about babies and why girls don't have pee pees. lol

been there done that. funny little kids.

sadly, and thankfully to my son's innocence, he didnt know much more than that.

[fadi]

let him watch the neighbors cats making out and explain to him what is going on

[ams33]

i think 5 years is too early to talk about sex , maybe at 10 is a better age , he s not gonna feel anything in this period , so u dnt have to worry about anything .....i remember my parents talked to me about puberty and stuff but not about sex , the school did , so i was informed in pretty much an educational way ....as to me , well 1st i dont have kids and am not planning to have any btw , so i wont worry about that

[Hannainnc]

Originally Posted by ams33

i think 5 years is too early to talk about sex , maybe at 10 is a better age , he s not gonna feel anything in this period , so u dnt have to worry about anything .....i remember my parents talked to me about puberty and stuff but not about sex , the school did , so i was informed in pretty much an educational way ....as to me , well 1st i dont have kids and am not planning to have any btw , so i wont worry about that

I think they feel stuff, I caught my son playing with his in the bathtub and then when I came in he tried to be all sly...I don't even know how to react to that stuff. I tell him to not touch it and his dad says it's fine, his words..."it's his, he can touch it if he wants". I try to discourage that behaviour, not that it's not natural, just that I don't want a 6 yr old who does that stuff...gotta preserve the innocence, they grow up too fast as it is.

[fadi]

Originally Posted by Hannainnc

I think they feel stuff, I caught my son playing with his in the bathtub and then when I came in he tried to be all sly...I don't even know how to react to that stuff. I tell him to not touch it and his dad says it's fine, his words..."it's his, he can touch it if he wants". I try to discourage that behaviour, not that it's not natural, just that I don't want a 6 yr old who does that stuff...gotta preserve the innocence, they grow up too fast as it is.

You should not discourage it. It is natural behavior and all kids will do it. You do not want him to grow up having issues and feeling guilt.

[TRAZ]

Originally Posted by ams33

i think 5 years is too early to talk about sex , maybe at 10 is a better age , he s not gonna feel anything in this period , so u dnt have to worry about anything .....i remember my parents talked to me about puberty and stuff but not about sex , the school did , so i was informed in pretty much an educational way ....as to me , well 1st i dont have kids and am not planning to have any btw , so i wont worry about that

BUFFLURP's son is 12. He was only referring to his innocence level when he was saying 5. His son is 12 but has the innocence of a 5 year old.

[Hannainnc]

Originally Posted by fadi

You should not discourage it. It is natural behavior and all kids will do it. You do not want him to grow up having issues and feeling guilt.

I agree, but there is a fine line. He has to know when it is appropriate and when it is not. When he's watching cartoons with his brother and sister it's not appropriate, if he is sitting next to me on the couch and he puts his hand down his pants, that is not acceptable behaviour to me.

[BUFFLURP]

Originally Posted by TRAZ

BUFFLURP's son is 12. He was only referring to his innocence level when he was saying 5. His son is 12 but has the innocence of a 5 year old.

Thanks for clearing that up. I was beginning to think people were going mad.

[BUFFLURP]

Originally Posted by fadi

You should not discourage it. It is natural behavior and all kids will do it. You do not want him to grow up having issues and feeling guilt.

innocently, most kids discover the good feeling that comes from a "full session". I know i did, but anyways, i know my son hasnt and i told him that it is a bad behavior, and he does understand why it is so. But, i know most of the world doesn't share the same beleifs as I, but as far as i am concerned, masturbation is not o.k. and i would be, well, disappointed if i knew he did it. If you can't tell, I am very protective of my son's chastity and will do whatever I can within the realm of influence to keep him innocent in this respect.

Fadi, when i was a younger teen, i had feelings of guilt because of my "self actions". Why? because you feel guilty when you have done something you know you shouldn't. guilt is a great teacher. guilt can be negative if it goes too far, but feeling guilty is a sign you are doing something wrong and should listen to your feelings of guilt and correct your faults by clearing the guilt. IMO.

I agree that masturbation is a natural behavior, but just because something is natural, doesnt make it is correct or not wrong.

example: Naturally, a man is born without clothes. But, it is not ok to walk around naked everywhere.

naturally, a man should spread his seed as much as possible. We know this is not ok.

humans have morals. nature does not.

[tryin2gain]

Being 19, perhaps i can share a youngin's perspective on this subject.

I never had a sex talk with my father, my school had a well developed human growth ciriculum, and all questions were answered there. I learned all about cycles, growth, phases, how child birth works, etc. My parents said it was my choice to have sex before marriage, but they encouraged me to wait until i am married.

The only sex talk i had with my dad was the night before prom last year. I was 18 taking a minor, and my dad reminded me that even if she said yes it was still illegal. I brushed him off saying, "i know, i know."

As long as your kids are educated, and can make intelligent choices, you should not have to set guidelines for them. You can share with them the values of waiting until marriage and such, but straight out telling them "masturbation is a sin and you should never do it" is a bit much. Especially when you dont tell them what it is or why people do it. You shouldnt lie to your kids or withold information. Tell your son what it is, explain to him why you disagree with it, and hope that your son can make intelligent choices of his own, and that he shares the same values as you. If not, oh well, its his body and his life. Masturbation is not a big deal. But if you explain to him that to you it is a big deal, perhaps his values will follow closely to your own.

[sonicbum]

yea, i think it is a bit harsh to tell him that masterbation is a sin, imho it is probably a good thing in this day and age, it will give him satisfiction without getting freaky with some ho....


Teach your son to Learn, dont Teach him what YOU'VE Learned, that is the key in my opinion.... I was taught to reason at a very young age, everytime i said, "why??", i received a logical answer as opposed to, "because i know whats best for you.."



...or maybe you can buy him an unbiased book about the subject, he might be interested enough to read it...

To me, the only way around "sex before marriage" is to get married young, LOL!!!!

"The Joy of Sex" was a very informative book about sex a friend gave me in middle school, but im not sure if thats what your looking for....

[Bubba04]

i am gonna tell my boy to wrap it before he taps it....and wish him luck

Originally Posted by Bubba04

i am gonna tell my boy to wrap it before he taps it....and wish him luck

i like it lol...

wrap it before u tap it niiice

[sonicbum]

Originally Posted by Bubba04

i am gonna tell my boy to wrap it before he taps it....and wish him luck

LoL, havent heard that exactly!!!!

lick it before you stick it!!!!! [not the best advice for a 12yr old]

[ams33]

well as for me , i strongly support that sex should wait until u marry , but as for masterbation , well let s face it guys : media , street , freinds,internet , sex is everywhere , ...and i think not matter how resistant is u , u ll come across a time where everything just collapse in a second and u ll find ursellf jst doin it ,u ll feel guilty and try not to do it for a while but again the circle goes on and on ....thats what happens to me ...

[BUFFLURP]

Originally Posted by ams33

well as for me , i strongly support that sex should wait until u marry , but as for masterbation , well let s face it guys : media , street , freinds,internet , sex is everywhere , ...and i think not matter how resistant is u , u ll come across a time where everything just collapse in a second and u ll find ursellf jst doin it ,u ll feel guilty and try not to do it for a while but again the circle goes on and on ....thats what happens to me ...

Thats what i am afraid of. This whole world is so corrupt. That's where i ran into trouble was because of easy access. Even this board posts some hardcore porn.

what you guys have to understand is that my son and i do share the same values on things. Very much so.

also, you have to understand that in my "world", sexual misconduct of any kind is not good. Masturbation is considered a sin to me. Not that it is a serious, most horrible thing, but we have a law of chastity that is expected to be followed very strictly. But, in the end if my son does end up doing it(whacking), i wont be mad, because i would be a hypocrite for being angry, just disappointed.

We had a leader give a 15 mintue talk on masturbation, and told us that we must not.

If you guys care to read his address here is the link.

http://www.zionsbest.com/only.html

he makes it very clear, in a way for young men to understand.

[fitme]

SEX are you kidding...my kids are 4 and 2...lol

i was never told about it anyway....i guess school taught me...lol

most European households dont talk to their kids about "SEX" i dont think!