Talking to your kids about sex.

[tryin2gain]

Originally Posted by Bubba04

i am gonna tell my boy to wrap it before he taps it....and wish him luck

Have you announced your candidacy for father of the year?

Originally Posted by ams33

as for masterbation , well let s face it guys : media , street , freinds,internet , sex is everywhere , ...and i think not matter how resistant is u , u ll come across a time where everything just collapse in a second and u ll find ursellf jst doin it

Besides the grammar errors, he hit the nail right on the head. Whatever you dont tell your kids, they WILL find out about it from friends or on the street. Its better that you dont hold back, and share your values with them, so that they can learn the right way the first time.

Its just like marijuana. Parents tell kids, "ALL DRUGS ARE BAD DONT DO DRUGS YOU WILL DIE!!!!" The kid tries marijuana, which isnt that bad, and thinks, "well, they were wrong about marijuana, maybe they were wrong about other drugs too." That leads them to try stronger and more serious drugs.

Sex is gonna work the same way. If your kids learn about it on the street, they will go by that. If you dont tell your son about masturbation, and his friends tell him what it is and why people do it, hes gonna blow you off. All you told him was its a sin, and when he learns what its about, hes gonna shrug it off and think its not as big of a deal as you make it out to be. So i would recommend that you explain to him why its a big deal to you and why he should not do it.

[BUFFLURP]

Originally Posted by tryin2gain

Sex is gonna work the same way. If your kids learn about it on the street, they will go by that. If you dont tell your son about masturbation, and his friends tell him what it is and why people do it, hes gonna blow you off. All you told him was its a sin, and when he learns what its about, hes gonna shrug it off and think its not as big of a deal as you make it out to be. So i would recommend that you explain to him why its a big deal to you and why he should not do it.

great advice. Thanks. I guess i need to sit him down again. I'll see him in 3 weeks, and then we can talk again. I dont like doing it over the phone.

[John H.]

Originally Posted by BUFFLURP

Ok, well last time i was with my son, i gave him "the speech" about sex. We talked for about 1 1/2 hrs on it. It was so funny because my son really is more innocent than most 5 year olds, no lying, he had alot of questions, and i think i handled it pretty well. We talked about waiting til marraige, having urges(i didnt say horny, i just couldnt), body developmetn, and the whole bit. Then of course, i gave him the religious point of view on sexual things.

anyway, did you guys find it hard to talk to your kids about sex?

I didnt really. it was hard when he didnt understand something, but that is expected.

Have you talked to your kids about sex at all? given they are of age.

what was harder for you to talk about, what was easier?

I really found that talking about puberty and body development was easy. explaining girls was harder. He already knew about how conception works(sperm amd egg).

What was hardest was trying to tell him why people have sex outside of marraige and why people masterbate. I told him that masturbation was a sin, and shouldnt. he didnt understand what the attraction to it was. I told him never to find out, lol. but still i told him people do it because it feels good, and such. Then he was so cute because he asked if adjusting yourself while having an erection was considered masturbation(innocent i tell ya).

overall the talk was good and we discussed it pretty in depth with a serious but relaxed way. it wasnt uncomfortable for either of us too bad.



my parents never talked to me about sex. I wish they had when i was younger because I was pretty naive til H.S.



anyway, any thoughts? experiences?

Talking to your (meaning anyone's here) kids is something everyone should do. They also should educate themselves about the subject before they talk about it as best as possible but not everything will be always readily known and you can always say "I will have to check on that for you and I will let you know". Be honest. When educating yourself be open - minded and very objective and willing to learn about everything without preconceived notions because what may be "right" or not to you may not be "right" for them as each person will develop to be who they are. You certainly can express your personal feelings and desires but the more you "force" your viewpoint the better the chances are of that person not accepting your viewpoint or even going counter to your "wishes". It happens all the time. Allow your kids to "find" who THEY ARE themselves - with honest accurate sincere help. Do not "shove" things down your kids' throat - that will be picked-up on very fast and you will not be happy with the results.

[theara]

I say its better for the parent or some adult figure to talk to the kids about sex so that they won't grow up to be sex craving whores

then again what good would telling them early do, only make them more curious

Europeans are probably more hornier because of lack of sex talk by their families'

[BUFFLURP]

Originally Posted by theara

I say its better for the parent or some adult figure to talk to the kids about sex so that they won't grow up to be sex craving whores

then again what good would telling them early do, only make them more curious

Europeans are probably more hornier because of lack of sex talk by their families'

I want my son to learn about sex in an appropriate way. I know that if he hears this stuff from his friends at school, they will be talking about it inappropriateley more like perverts. If my son hears it from me in an appropirate manner, and i share my values with him, he is more likeley to respect them. Plus, my son wants to be just like me, and will listen to anything i tell him and not question it because he regards my words as scripture. Not because i told him that, but because of how much he loves and respects me. I just want to give him what i feel is the right idea and impression about what sex is and what it does and what it should and shouldnt be used for.

[CubanChick]

My daughter is not allowed to have sex till she is 30... JUST KIDDING. I am so glad that I don't have to have that chat for atleast 13 years or so. Although there is so much to learn about sex @ school and then again learn wrong things from your friends as a teenager, I want to be the one to share this experience with her. Hopefully I will teach her well along the way and she will make good decisions with sex and everything in her life....

[nate0wnsy0u]

Originally Posted by BUFFLURP

I want my son to learn about sex in an appropriate way. I know that if he hears this stuff from his friends at school, they will be talking about it inappropriateley more like perverts. If my son hears it from me in an appropirate manner, and i share my values with him, he is more likeley to respect them. Plus, my son wants to be just like me, and will listen to anything i tell him and not question it because he regards my words as scripture. Not because i told him that, but because of how much he loves and respects me. I just want to give him what i feel is the right idea and impression about what sex is and what it does and what it should and shouldnt be used for.

In my opinion your son won't always want to be just like you, he might begin to discover who he is and then you'll just have to hope all the advice and morals you drilled into his head stay there x). I'm not going to lie though, i don't know anybody that doesn't whack it at my age (16)... and during middle school (especially around 7th-8th grade) everyone did then to. It's kind've a good thing though since it's a better way for them to release all their raging hormones that way then with a girl doin the dirty dirty. :O Cause if they don't release the hormones at all they will be thinking dirty thoughts 24/7 and exceptionally horny. (Atleast that's what i've noticed and experienced)

[Arch Enemy]

I don't have any kids of my own, so I've never given The Talk in that way. I have, however, given The Talk to a number of other parent's kids. Turns out kids aren't as dumb as we make them out to be and they do want to know the truth about things. Turns out there are some parents who have no business whatsoever explaining some things, like sex, to their kids. Most of the kids I've spoken to about this subject are in their teens; so at the very least, the parents had the insight to get that much right. Everything else is pretty much a disasterpiece in motion.

I could tell you horror stories about some of the nonsense I've heard from kids in religious households. The crap that religiously zealot parents tell their children scars them for life. These parents are only lucky that they live in a country where they have a right to run their houses the way they want. It's unfortunate for them, though, that people like me exist that intend to ruin their lies they feed to their kids.

We have a responsibility to be honest in sex education. It's the only way our children will be honest and responsible in their sex lives. Treat them otherwise, and they will behave otherwise. It's that simple.

[sonicbum]

Originally Posted by Arch Enemy

I have, however, given The Talk to a number of other parent's kids.

Thats illegal in my state

jk



welcome back Arch!!!!

[Arch Enemy]

Originally Posted by sonicbum

Thats illegal in my state

jk



welcome back Arch!!!!

Oh, sh!t . . . what state do you live in?

Thanks, sonic I don't know why I'm at a B forum . . . I haven't lifed in three weeks! I've had the flu and I got a damn knot in my back that won't go away. I need to see a doctor and get me some morphine.

[jennyd]

Uuuugg...my son is 5, and I think that I might need to have "the talk" with him soon. He's becoming a little perv.

I take him to the store with me, and he's rubbing the mannequin's boobs, and pulling on her shirt to look at them. WTF? Any time he sees a pretty lady, he tells me that she's sexy.
I don't even know where he gets that word from....I'm gonna have to have "the talk" with his dad I think too....LOL.

I've decided that he must be getting this stuff from his dad, cause he doesn't get it from me....even when I'm on here and he sees someone's avatar that has a hot chick in it, he runs over and wants to get a better look.

But since his father and I aren't together, I think we need to have a talk about it first. Then decide how we'd go about talking to him about it.

I'm not really going to have the talk with him at 5, but I'm just saying that he definitely notices girls, and knows that he likes what he sees.

[TRAZ]

At least he's not gay! I was always interested in girls from age 4 on...I got in trouble for "frenching" in kindergarten more than a few times...It is natural, but just know that he needs instruction to keep him from going out of control.

[BUFFLURP]

Originally Posted by Arch Enemy

I could tell you horror stories about some of the nonsense I've heard from kids in religious households. The crap that religiously zealot parents tell their children scars them for life. These parents are only lucky that they live in a country where they have a right to run their houses the way they want. It's unfortunate for them, though, that people like me exist that intend to ruin their lies they feed to their kids.

We have a responsibility to be honest in sex education. It's the only way our children will be honest and responsible in their sex lives. Treat them otherwise, and they will behave otherwise. It's that simple.

Just because someone gives religious instruction about sex doesnt mean it is a lie. Who are you? Are you the Medium to decipher between all truth and all lies? Because I happen to know that God finds sexual misconduct a sin, and chose to instruct my child according to the commandments of God. And you telling other parents kids that their parents are lying to them when they tell them sexual promiscuity is not acceptable is hardly your business and is terrible. Just because you dont beleive in it doesnt make it a lie. And to tell children it is ok to have sex or masturbate every time they get the urge is plainly disgusting. The only person you should worry about in this matter is you and your own children and not other peoples children. That goes for anyone. Worry about you and your own family in this matter. Instructing other peoples children about sex is wrong, unless you are a professional educator and follow state given guidelines on what you can and cannot discuss with your students.

And sure, Arch, I bleieve in being completely honest about sex education. Telling kids about the truth of sex is important. Because they will eventually discover that you lied to them if you do. Everyone has a difference in what they beleive is truth about the matter. There are plain facts about it like the whole puberty aspect about development, then there are the 'religious truths' about what you should and shouldnt use sex for. The 'religious truths' ususally contain things such as waiting til marraige, and not masturbating, avoiding pornography, etc.

[Arch Enemy]

Originally Posted by BUFFLURP

Just because someone gives religious instruction about sex doesnt mean it is a lie.

Of course not. I never said that. But certain things religious people tell their children ARE lies. Plain and simple.

Who are you? Are you the Medium to decipher between all truth and all lies?

The medium to decipher truth and lies about sex is science.

Because I happen to know that God finds sexual misconduct a sin, and chose to instruct my child according to the commandments of God.

KNOWING a thing and BELIEVING a thing are very, very different. You BELIEVE. But you do not KNOW. You HOPE. But you do not KNOW.

And you telling other parents kids that their parents are lying to them when they tell them sexual promiscuity is not acceptable is hardly your business and is terrible.

Oh . . . so you were there? You heard everything I said? You have it recorded? Right? To play back and show exactly what I said?

I didn't think so.

I have never promoted promiscuity. Do you even know what that is? Here's a hint: it's not sex before marriage. Gasp!

Just because you dont beleive in it doesnt make it a lie. And to tell children it is ok to have sex or masturbate every time they get the urge is plainly disgusting.

Children masturbate from the time they are born. It is a God-damned natural function. It is inborn. There is even evidence to suggest that children in the womb masturbate.

So tell me: if Jesus believed children were so Godly, then surely children masturbating in the womb must be alright? How can they be aware of what concepts of sin are in the womb? Considering that, why is masturbation, which is something that children have been seen doing in the womb, sinful? It is a natural part of life. We're SUPPOSED to masturbate. We have wet dreams for the same reason we crap and piss ubnconsciously if we hold it in too long: we're supposed to crap, piss and masturbate. This BS about wet dreams being 'God's natural release' is such baloney.

Do you try and hold your crap and piss in as long as you can, until it busts, like when you have wet dreams? Of course not.

Furthermore, I've never promoted having sex whenever you want with whoever you want. I have always advocated sex in a loving relationship. It's that simple. Waiting until marriage does not mean it's a loving relationship.

The only person you should worry about in this matter is you and your own children and not other peoples children. That goes for anyone.

So social services and child protection agencies shouldn't exist.

Interesting.

I didn't know you advocated not stepping in when a parent does something harmful to their child.

Worry about you and your own family in this matter. Instructing other peoples children about sex is wrong, unless you are a professional educator and follow state given guidelines on what you can and cannot discuss with your students.

In that case, it's also wrong for parents to teach their kids about sex.

And sure, Arch, I bleieve in being completely honest about sex education. Telling kids about the truth of sex is important. Because they will eventually discover that you lied to them if you do. Everyone has a difference in what they beleive is truth about the matter.

And here's where the problem lies: if you say what you're teaching is true, I expect evidence. You can't provide said evidence.

There are plain facts about it like the whole puberty aspect about development, then there are the 'religious truths' about what you should and shouldnt use sex for. The 'religious truths' ususally contain things such as waiting til marraige, and not masturbating, avoiding pornography, etc.

Religious truth about sex, in your case = lies about sex.

[BUFFLURP]

First, i just want to say that i dont want this to be a debate, but more of an info thread than debate on what is right and what is wrong about religious views, etc. about morailty and sex.

Originally Posted by Arch Enemy

Of course not. I never said that. But certain things religious people tell their children ARE lies. Plain and simple.


Like what? masturbation is a bad thing?

The medium to decipher truth and lies about sex is science.


to a certain extent, i agree ith you.


KNOWING a thing and BELIEVING a thing are very, very different. You BELIEVE. But you do not KNOW. You HOPE. But you do not KNOW.


I have seen things that I can actually and honestly say that i know, and is beyond beleif, but is knowledge. I'm not blowing smoke. I swear it and would take it to the grave.


Oh . . . so you were there? You heard everything I said? You have it recorded? Right? To play back and show exactly what I said?

I didn't think so.

I have never promoted promiscuity. Do you even know what that is? Here's a hint: it's not sex before marriage. Gasp!


I knwo what promiscuity is. Dont be sarcastic, i am trying to understand where you are coming from, seriously


Children masturbate from the time they are born. It is a God-damned natural function. It is inborn. There is even evidence to suggest that children in the womb masturbate.


Small children dont understand exactly what they are doing. All they know is that they like it, and it feels good. Children are innocent.

So tell me: if Jesus believed children were so Godly, then surely children masturbating in the womb must be alright? How can they be aware of what concepts of sin are in the womb? Considering that, why is masturbation, which is something that children have been seen doing in the womb, sinful? It is a natural part of life. We're SUPPOSED to masturbate. We have wet dreams for the same reason we crap and piss ubnconsciously if we hold it in too long: we're supposed to crap, piss and masturbate. This BS about wet dreams being 'God's natural release' is such baloney.

Again, children are innocent from sin. Those that understnd what they are acting upon are held accountable. Children dont have the slightest clue what they are doing, really.

your "baloney" statement is your opinion, and i will have mine. thats the great thing about agency. we can chose what we want


Do you try and hold your crap and piss in as long as you can, until it busts, like when you have wet dreams? Of course not.


Ejaculaton is different from defecation.


Furthermore, I've never promoted having sex whenever you want with whoever you want. I have always advocated sex in a loving relationship. It's that simple. Waiting until marriage does not mean it's a loving relationship.


But, why would someone marry if they dont love?



So social services and child protection agencies shouldn't exist.


for cases of abuse, they should

Interesting.

I didn't know you advocated not stepping in when a parent does something harmful to their child.

In that case, it's also wrong for parents to teach their kids about sex.

And here's where the problem lies: if you say what you're teaching is true, I expect evidence. You can't provide said evidence.

Religious truth about sex, in your case = lies about sex.

Religious truth does not entail lies. I beleive God knows what he is talking about when he tells us to do or not do something. Thats me, and you are free to your thoughts as well. I dont want this to heat up really, i really was aiming towards actual things i should instruct my son about.

What do you suggest i actualy tell him, if you had my same religious views? I was really looking for help, and advice rather than debate. Will you help me? given my religious views? if not, thats alright.

[Arch Enemy]

Originally Posted by BUFFLURP

First, i just want to say that i dont want this to be a debate, but more of an info thread than debate on what is right and what is wrong about religious views, etc. about morailty and sex.

Like what? masturbation is a bad thing?

That's one example.

I maintain that masturbation is not a bad thing, otherwise it would not come so naturally to us.

For that matter, masturbation is not a bad thing because it helps us improve our sex lives - through it, one can learn ejaculation control, and it can help in dealing with erection problems. Female masturbation can help a woman develop vaginal control. I masturbate a lot, and I actually last for hours. Why? Because I've developed strength there through masturbation.

Masturbation also helps us to discover what makes us feel good. One reason many Christians suffer bad marriages is because they have a basically retarded sexuality. They want more. But their partner can't give it to them because they believe in a religion that makes sex a guilty thing.

Religious truth does not entail lies. I beleive God knows what he is talking about when he tells us to do or not do something. Thats me, and you are free to your thoughts as well. I dont want this to heat up really, i really was aiming towards actual things i should instruct my son about.

Then you should tell your son what you believe, but that he has the right to formulate his own opinion. You should tell him you can't prove that you're right, and that he should search in his own heart for what he thinks is right.

Small children dont understand exactly what they are doing. All they know is that they like it, and it feels good. Children are innocent.

I still fail to see how masturbation during childhood is acceptable and masturbation during adulthood is not.

Where exactly does Jesus say ANYTHING about masturbation?

You should answer that before you tell your son masturbation is evil.

I am trying to help you help your son. By telling him these things about sex that you believe, you are creating a possibility that he could be traumatized and fail to develop a loving relationship with someone.

For that matter, he could read the Bible himself - and see that it says nothing about sex outside of marriage being a sin:

"Fundamentalists would have us believe it. But the Bible is unclear. In Exodus, chapter 20, we read the Ten Commandments, and are told that we should not commit adultery. Adultery however is not defined as simply having sex outside of marriage. It's defined as having sex with a married person. Nothing is said to prohibit sexual relations between two unmarried people. In fact, if we look in the book of Leviticus, we are given a list of every situation in which we should not have sex. We're not to have sex with married people, or with family members, or with animals. We are not, however, prohibited from having sex with an unmarried person who is not in our family.

A few people have interpreted Deuteronomy 22:13-21 to be against pre-marital sex, but when we actually read what's there we see it's about lying and bringing disgrace to one's father, not about sex. In these verses a man is given a bride by another man, and then goes to court to claim the woman was not a virgin. The verses then say that the bride's father must prove she was a virgin. If he can prove it, the new husband is fined for bringing shame upon the bride's family by claiming he was given a faulty bride. If she cannot prove she's a virgin, then she is put to death for being a harlot while still in her father's house. Notice that there is nothing said about the man not being a virgin, and there are no equal punishments brought against men. Why? Because this is not about having sex. It's about a woman who is still considered property, meaning she lives in her father's house and is being given to another man (in exchange for money), taking it upon herself to sleep around and thus destroying her value as a bride worth selling. In this case, the woman having sex brings shame to her family by making the father out to be a liar when he accepts money from a man who wants to bed down with a virgin. In short, while having sex outside of marriage is not forbidden by the Bible, the women not being honest about it brought dishonor to her father, which is a sin according to the Ten Commandments.

Another verse, often quoted by itself to condemn sex outside of marriage, is Exodus 22:16, where we read "If a man seduces a virgin who is not betrothed, and lies with her, he shall give the marriage present for her, and make her his wife." But when we look at the verse immediately following, we get a whole different picture. In verse 17 we read, "If her father utterly refuses to give her to him, he shall pay money equivalent to the marriage present for virgins." Just like the Deuteronomy reference we can clearly see this is not about sex, but rather is about destroying a commodity - a virgin daughter who can be sold for a price. In these Exodus verses it's spelled out even more clearly. There is no mention of immorality, nor is the man who seduces the woman penalized for having sex before marriage - only for having sex with a virgin, and even then his only penalty is to pay the father what the woman would have cost as a virgin.

Some places in the bible, such as Mark 7:21, state that "fornication" is a sin. Fundamentalists like to interpret that as meaning "sex outside of marriage." It's not true. The Greek translation identifies "fornication" as being any "illicit (illegal) sexual activity." However, as we saw above, God did not mention sex between two unmarried people as being illicit. Interesting. And, in fact, we read in 2 Samuel chapter 5 where some of God's greatest leaders, such as King David (whom God called a man "after his own heart"), had hundreds of wives and hundreds of unmarried concubines (women kept in the house for the purpose of having sex). None of these were considered sins. It is only when David had sex with another man's wife (2 Samuel 11:1-5) that he committed the sin of adultery."

What do you suggest i actualy tell him, if you had my same religious views? I was really looking for help, and advice rather than debate. Will you help me? given my religious views? if not, thats alright.

Sex is like fire. When properly maintained, it can give us warmth, keep us healthy, keep us happy, and shine light into our world. But that fire, when not maintained properly, can spread, destroying us and those around us.

You should also tell him women are his equal, not his inferior, nor his superior. Men and women work in harmony.

Dang, I'm tired. I'm going to bed. Hope some of that helps.