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02-13-2006, 02:16 PM
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How do you guys cheer up?
Well, I just returned from Arizona visiting my son.
Ehh, this is embarassing... you are guys are cool though and I find you as confidents .... Normally, I feel sad to leave him, but this time it really hurts deep. I am uncrontrollably sobbing at some points. Now, this is highly untypical of me, because I am usually a tough-guy type that shows no emotion. I even threw up last night about it. I think something might even be wrong with me. My parents told me they have never seen me like this and are worried. I'll see him in a month, but it seems so far away. I wish I could move him up here. He always get sad and cries when I leave him, so we usually both feel the same way, but this time I can get a hold on myself. Anyways, what do you guys do to help yourseles feel better, get over it, etc.? It seems everything is in chaos, yet everything really is going fine in life. You parents with kids understand this, I hope. How do I deal with this? Just looking for some advice. Thanks.
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6'2" 215lbs 10% BF 
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02-13-2006, 02:28 PM
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I hate to hear that you are having a hard time bro!
It might be chemical bro! I have struggled with depression and anxiety for years and have only in the last 2 1/2 years started to overcome it. If it is a chemical imbalance you may need to try some medication (I don't know how that will work with the Mormon faith). In the mean time, try going out somewhere. Being around people usually helps me. If I am alone I tend to dwell on the negatives. Or you could try watching something really funny like a movie or TV show. I am a musician and I would probably write a song about it, but that doesn't apply to everyone. Personally I would probably hit the gym extra hard.... Hope this helps....
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"We're only alive on the edge of the moment." ~Zarathustra Last edited by TRAZ; 02-13-2006 at 02:35 PM.
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02-13-2006, 02:30 PM
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sorry to hear your situation buff. I travel a lot for work so sometimes I have to be gone maybe a month or so. my dog, hannah gets left behind and my mom and pop visits her once in a while in my apartment. I know that you're probably thinking..Fhat the Wuck? He's out of his mind! That's not even a person! Well, for now she's my companion, my best friend. So just to illustrate my sympathy, i can sort of relate, though not as intense as a kid: it's sort of relative.
my solution? Music helps, workout definitely eats up time to keep your mind occupied. I don't know it could work for you. You're a religious guy so maybe read up on some passage or something... Out of curiosity: What's the deal anyways? Why do you have to be in separate states???
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Only YOU can make a difference in how you look... ..Get the HECK out there and DO IT!!DO IT!!
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02-13-2006, 02:37 PM
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It could be chemical. I dont really have problems with depression on a serious scale to where i would need to take meds. This all just sucks because I am sitting here at work and everybody keeps bugging me "Are you o.k.?" of course i tell them i am having an allergic reaction, but am fine. (for the red face). I know they see me acting like a baby. How embarassing. Then at home, i just stare into nothing for hours. Talking to my son on the phone helps temporarily, but i think i am sick or something.
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6'2" 215lbs 10% BF
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02-13-2006, 02:39 PM
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Give it some time man....you might be getting sick. That could be sending your mental/ emotional state all out of whack... I hate all of the empty pity too....it will pass....
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"We're only alive on the edge of the moment." ~Zarathustra
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02-13-2006, 03:12 PM
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Depression is hard. I have developed anxiety for certain events in my life and my resolution was to get on anxiety medication which it has helped me get over it, but it does take a month to take full effect. Meanwhile, the doc gave me one that is fast acting but clears the system within hours. It helped get over the panic attacks till the other kicked in.
Time heals, you just have to accept the way things are and wait it out. Try to spend time doing things that keeps your mind busy. But I do suggest you see a doctor to give you some meds. You don't need to have chemical inbalance to get on these meds, they are designed for such cases.
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-http://www.thefitnesshub.com- Track your diet, workout, and measurements the easy way.
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02-13-2006, 03:18 PM
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Yeah, for real. Leaving someone, your closest love, is so hard. Whether it's a pet, which isnt unusual, or a child/parent or even a friend. yeah, prayer and scriptures will help some, thanks TM. Music is good, until a song about love or sad lyrics just kills me, lol. The deal with me and my son is a very complicated... MESS, I will put it. Being he is 12, and I am 19 is highly unusual. Court stuff, legal issues and papers, and all sorts of crap I had to go through, but i would do it over and over if I had to. Long complicated story, I dont have time to explain and nor do I care to, but here we are, lol. It's a mess, I tell ya. Very frustrating for me and my son. Still, I visit him every chance i get. We have the greatest time doing stuff together. Its the best when i can just lay on the couch or the bed and just hold him til we fall asleep. He always jumps into my arms when he comes home from school everyday when I am visiting. Long story short, we both love eachother intensely and it's been especially hard lateley to be away from him. We talk on the phone every day for like an hour which helps some, but the times where i wish i could just hold him are the hardest since not long from now he will be too big to hug and kiss all the time. I guess i am afraid of losing the "little kid" times i have had with him. I guess I just have to deal with it the hard way. There gotta be someone that has gone through this more than once on here.
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6'2" 215lbs 10% BF
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02-13-2006, 03:40 PM
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Maybe I should get some help. I have been going through this pattern of : Sick for being away, getting over feeling sad, then over anxious to see him the next time around. It's been going on for 2 years. It's probably not too healthy to be like this all the time. But all i know is that when i hold him, and see a smile on his face as he looks at me, every care in the world just goes away. What a powerful feeling it is. Thats why i can't stand being away from him. The love I feel from him is so amazing. I know he feels the exact same way because i have had to talk to him many times about me being away, and he always tells me how good it feels just to hug me and kiss me and be with me. Now I am just getting it all off my chest. This feels much better to talk about it. I would have never dreamed I would be a father at , then 17 and now 19, but if i could do it over again, i wouldnt do a dang one thing different. whew, anyways.
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6'2" 215lbs 10% BF
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02-13-2006, 05:09 PM
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how is he 12 when you are 19??
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02-13-2006, 05:50 PM
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sorry to hear about your situation. I have two kids and I can't image being away from them for so long again. They have been away from me before for 6 mths ( long story) and it was hard. I did feel sick, really stressed out. It just wasn't the same without them.
For me it was mostly seperation anxiety. I got to see them once a week, but leaving them was really hurtfull. As for a solution, well I tried to keep myself busy. Not much else you can do, as it always on your mind. It's your loved one and it hard not to think about it. Not really sure what else to say!!
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Always follow your goals .. never give up!! 
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02-14-2006, 07:58 AM
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__________________
-http://www.thefitnesshub.com- Track your diet, workout, and measurements the easy way.
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02-14-2006, 08:00 AM
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It's a long story, a LONG story, it would take me a couple day to type down all the factors that go into this, but for easiness, he is adopted.
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6'2" 215lbs 10% BF
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02-14-2006, 08:09 AM
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Wow, interesting. It must be hard being a fatherly figure with only 7 years between you and him.
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02-14-2006, 08:10 AM
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As for cheering up, booze always works for me
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02-14-2006, 08:12 AM
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you know the exact feeling. It's hard. I am doing better today. I talked with him for almost 2 hrs. last night, and we (mostly me) talked alot about dealing with emotions and controlling our emotions. Controlling, because he gets angry and sad at the same time. And he always is getting irritated and angry with people when i am first gone for like a week. Also he has a condition where he worries himself a lot, so we talked about dealing with our emotions apropriateley and it made me and him feel a lot better. I have been trying to keep myself busy, but even then my mind is still with him. It was cute this morning. I woke up to my phone ringing. "Hello?" "Happy Valentine's Day daddy, I love you!" It was pretty cute.
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6'2" 215lbs 10% BF
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02-14-2006, 08:13 AM
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We LDS(mormon) dont drink. But, i have actualy thought of that jokingly, but that isnt an option, LOL.
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6'2" 215lbs 10% BF
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02-14-2006, 08:14 AM
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I'll check it out. Thanks Fadi.
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6'2" 215lbs 10% BF
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02-14-2006, 08:19 AM
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That is really tough man....I have alot more respect for you now after hearing you had a son through adoption....especially at your young age. I am 25 and couldn't even conceive of having a child....good for you man! I hope you can turn a corner on this one....you will get to see him again this isn't forever or anything...just make some big plans for your next visit to make it that much sweeter!
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"We're only alive on the edge of the moment." ~Zarathustra
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02-14-2006, 08:24 AM
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It is definitely different. I have actually known my son for almost 10 years. I met him in a foster home when he was almost 3 years old. For some strange reason, I had an odd connection with him. He came up and hugged me when i got there, visiting for no apparent reason, and called me daddy. Of course, then i was 9 and just thought it was some cute kid looking for some attention, but i had a different feeling about him. Like i was supposed to meet him. I went back every week for a couple of years, and he ended up moving to another foster home when he was 6, me being 13 and it was painful to see him leave, but i promised him i would find him. He wrote me letters almost everyday. We stayed in touch and I flew out a few times a year to see him. So, when the time arose i had the opportunity to legally take custody of him, even though i was 17, there are ways around everything, ill put it. But being in our circumstance we were able to legally bind him to me. So, a long story short I am legally his father, but he has considered me his father since he was 3. I always just thought it was cute when i was younger, but now i feel that there was a higher power involved in putting us together. Thank the LORD for his blessings.
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6'2" 215lbs 10% BF
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02-14-2006, 08:41 AM
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When he is with me and i am hanging out with friends, i tell them all he is my son, but they don't beleive me. Of course they ask what i am doing with some small kid. It's quite funny actually. But when i actually convince and prove to them that he is my son, they all trip out. Most of my friends and people i know have no idea i have a kid, except for my close friends and family. Yeah i was and still am very young. And to have a 12 year old always blows my mind when i think about it. But since i have known and loved him since the first time i saw him almost 10 years ago, it is not that weird. It's been a great thing for me, even though like now there are the hard times. It's all worth it. I thank God everyday. I just found out this morning checking out his class schedules and his progress report, by the way he has to F's ehhh, but he has intersession(2 week break) for 2 weeks in March from the 13-27. I am going to fly him out on the 10th after school through the 27th. Wow, i am so excited. We are gonna have a blast.
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6'2" 215lbs 10% BF
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