Summer Log

[Sophie]

Haven't been on forums a lot since school let out but I think I now spend enough time online to keep a log up to date. (We shall see)

Date: June 18
Time Lifting: 52 minutes
Average Heart Rate: 115

Bench Press - 50-8-8-8
Pec Deck Flyes - 40-9-9
Assisted Chin Up - 34-8-8-8
Pullover - 25-5-2 (exhausted after chin ups will have to lower the weight until next week when I do pullovers first)
Rear Lateral Raise - 10-8-8-8
Military Press - 20-5-5 (shoulders really weak today)
Concentration Curls - 20-8-8-8 (left weaker)
Hammer Curls - 10-9-9
Triceps Pushdown - 50-8-8-8
Triceps Extension - 25-8-8
Vertical Knee Raises - 20-20
Lying Leg-Hip Raise - 20-20
Lever Push Crunch - 55-20-20

Date: June 19
Time Lifting: 54 minutes
Average Heart Rate: 133

Deadlift - 85-10-10-10
Hamstring Curl - 50-15-15-15
Lunges - 15-10-10
Sumo Squats - 40-15-15-15
Squats - 65-10-10-10
Leg Extensions - 50-15-15-15
Butt Lift - 20-20-20
Glue Kickback - 20-20-20
(butt lift and glute kickback here Bodybuilding.com - Exercise Guides Database. )
Calf Raises - 162.5-15-15-15
Side Bends - 10-20-20 (each side)
Twists - 30-10-10 (each side) Lever Twist
Lying Twists - 10-10 (each side) Weighted Lying Twist didn't use weight. wanted to get the feel of the exercise

With my foster dad and eating around 5-6 times a day: eggs, fish, shrimp, spaghetti with sausage, salad, brown rice with beans, pineapple pieces etc. It's nice being with someone who can afford to eat right.

[Sophie]

Date: June 20
Time Lifting: 52 minutes
Average Heart Rate: 110

Bench Press - 50-9-9-9
Pec Deck Flyes - 40-10-10
Assisted Chin Up - 34-8-8-8
Pullover - 20-8-8
Rear Lateral Raise - 10-9-9-9
Military Press - 20-9-9
Concentration Curls - 20-5-8-8 (left weaker and couldn't do more on first set)
Hammer Curls - 10-10-10
Triceps Pushdown - 50-8-8-8
Triceps Extension - 25-8-8
Vertical Knee Raises - 20-20
Lying Leg-Hip Raise - 20-20
Lever Push Crunch - 60-20-20

Workout went much better than Monday's.

[Sophie]

Date: June 21
Time Lifting: 55 minutes
Average Heart Rate: 124

Deadlift - 85-10-10-10
Hamstring Curl - 50-15-15-15
Lunges - 15-10-10
Sumo Squats - 40-15-15-15
Squats - 65-10-10-10
Leg Extensions - 50-15-15-15
Butt Lift - 20-20-20
Glue Kickback - 20-20-20
Calf Raises - 162.5-15-15-15
Side Bends - 10-20-20 (each side)
Twists - 30-10-10 (each side)
Lying Twists - 10-10 (each side)

EXHAUSTED today

[Sophie]

No gym yesterday or today. I will go again Monday. I've been super tired lately and I know it is from only eating 1000 calories a day for a while. Something I will need to work on if I want to keep making gains lifting.

I need to decide what to do about my eating habits or lack thereof. I just wish it was that easy.

[Hawkwind]

Normally I only lift 2-3 times a week this time of year. I'm too busy enjoying the great outdoors to be in the gym more often.

I'm sure you've been told this before...but 1,000 cals is not even maintaining what you are working so hard to put on. You want to grow you have to eat. I'm not good about eating this time of year either. But I do it because I worked too dayumed hard to put this muscle back on after all I've been through.

I had to finally decide that eating was part of my training and since I am a complete fanatic about my training I decided that I was going to do everything as 'correctly' as possible to support my lifting. If you have read through bits and pieces of my journal then you will have noticed I'm not your average lifter. I've had to face a lot of 'issues' and had to cope with a lot of physical problems to do what I do.

It's all in the mind Sophie. You have to talk yourself into it. I've read through your journals. Including the one that I deleted because it got so far off track. I realize that you are working to overcome some issues of your own. I'm not trying to be condescending...but I can't let a comment about eating only a 1,000 calories a day go by and not say something.

I don't want anyone reading your journal to think that it's okay to do that. And since I know you are working hard to overcome issues. Than you yourself needed to hear it again also...

Feed your body Sophie, feed it correctly and in a timely manner and your gains will help you heal as well as help you to over come those 'old tapes' that play in your head when you look in the mirror and see a healthier stronger you.

[Sophie]

I've been thinking of lifitng 4 times (2 days upper, 2 days lower) and then doing cardio 2 days. I might give that a try next week.

I know I'm not eating enough. I just can't seem to force myself. Eating is making is nauseous lately and my body image sucks putting it nicely.

I do think about all the progress I've made that would be wasted if I had a total relapse but sometimes it doesn't seem like I've made any.

I had a feeling this was going to be a bad summer. This is the 10 year "anniversary" of the second time I was trafficked in Prague and even though I just got done with a week of intensive out patient treatment for the post traumatic stress disorder, the anorexia seems to be coming back at full speed.

It's also the first real time I had the "option" to relapse since I had been on contract with my college before this. It seems everyone came to a head at once and I don't know how to handle it.

I'm trying, I just don't know what to do. I wish I could "just eat" but it's not as simple as that. It's even worse when I don't workout as then I'm not burning any calories off and I tend to eat even less.

Anyway, thanks for the response and I'll keep trying. I'm just not very hopeful at this time. I've never had a good relationship with food though some times are worse than others.

[Hawkwind]

Sophie, is it at all possible to get back to treatment? I know that with insurance limitations sometimes that is not possible. I had to see my therapist for quite a long time at the worst point of my life. Luckily there were no 'caps' on inpatient therapy at that time.

I know the nausea is rough. I had to keep plain saltine crackers on hand to settle my stomach and prepare my stomach for food. Otherwise I would just plain balk at eating because of the nausea. The other thing that helped me was actually flat Ginger ale. I hate soda and I rarely drink it. But flat Ginger ale helped. And then I took to liking crystallized ginger...but that is a very acquired taste!

You have to remind yourself that even though it is an anniversary it's over and done and you have moved on.

Don't ever lose hope Sophie. If I had lost hope I'd have been dead a long time ago. I'm still going strong and my life gets better by the day. Not saying it's easy. I don't wish my 'walk' on anyone. But most days are good days.

Wishing you the best.

[Sophie]

I don't think any treatment would take me right now other than a regular therapist and with Ohio Medicaid and me being in Maryland it's not going to happen. I mean, it doesn't even happen where I live. There is only once place that accepts Medicaid and they told me my weight was fine at 86 llbs.

Since my weight is fine, most treatment centers won't do anything. One of the "joys" of an eating disorder. By the time you're "sick enough" to get help, you REALLY need it.

I have been drinking a lot of water and Crystal Lite so I am at least hydrated.

I have been sitting at the computer for over an hour trying to decide whether or not to have a salad, 50 lousy calories. I just can't do it. Just the thought freaks me out. Calories for the day: 200 That cannot be good.

[Sophie]

didn't do anything today. i ate mac and cheese around 9 am, felt sick, and slept all day, literally. it is almost 11 pm and i've been up for about 2 hours. i still feel sick.

i'll try to get to the gym tomorrow.

[Hawkwind]

Originally Posted by Sophie

Since my weight is fine, most treatment centers won't do anything. One of the "joys" of an eating disorder. By the time you're "sick enough" to get help, you REALLY need it.

I have been drinking a lot of water and Crystal Lite so I am at least hydrated.

Very sad, but true. A friend of mine almost lost her daughter because her medical professionals waited a bit too long to allow her into a treatment center. She needed much more help than outpatient therapy.

Originally Posted by Sophie

didn't do anything today. i ate mac and cheese around 9 am, felt sick, and slept all day, literally. it is almost 11 pm and i've been up for about 2 hours. i still feel sick.

i'll try to get to the gym tomorrow.

Healing thoughts going out for your mind and your body.

You might want to try some electrolytes. It may help with the nausea.

[GetFit]

This is insane 200 calories in a day? Are you trying to kill yourself? You should get to a hospital, please.

[Sophie]

Originally Posted by Hawkwind

Very sad, but true. A friend of mine almost lost her daughter because her medical professionals waited a bit too long to allow her into a treatment center. She needed much more help than outpatient therapy.

When I went to an eating disorder specialist, the one who told me I needed to be hospitalized, she told me I should have been in the hospital a long time ago and there was no way intensive outpatient would be enough for me. I kind of sat there in shock. My therapist at the time was basically telling me I was fine, thanks to my doctor who said my healthy weight was 95-100 and he would do something about it if my weight got below 70 lbs. When I did tell my therapist what the specialist said, she asked why I needed to be hospitalized and when I said because of my weight and eating (okay, lack there of) she didn't answer. At the time I had gotten VERY OCD about keeping track of my calories and was averaging about 800 calories a day over a year and a half span.

This is insane 200 calories in a day? Are you trying to kill yourself? You should get to a hospital, please.

Not trying to kill myself. And like I said above, the hospital wouldn't do anything. My weight is fine so until that's a problem, which won't be for a LONG time if I keep restricting, no one will really do anything.

I'm at a healthy weight and wouldn't even be considered underweight until I lost 17 lbs. Id have to lose 22 lbs to be considered "anorexic" and I'd have to be less than that for people to do something. Hoping it won't get that bad but my mental state is awful.



Went to bed at 3 am and just woke up. It's about noon. I do not feel sick this morning so I will try to eat later. We'll see what happens about the gym.

[GetFit]

If you can only manage 200-800 calories a day you really shouldn't be burning them off by working out. You need those calories to survive.

[musclesntx]

Originally Posted by GetFit

If you can only manage 200-800 calories a day you really shouldn't be burning them off by working out. You need those calories to survive.

That's not even enough to support your internal organs... You'd better fix that sh!t soon.

[Sophie]

i wish it was as easy as "just eating" no gym today. might try to do some cardio on stationary bike if i feel better later.

i have had some veggies (peas and carrots) and felt nauseous afterwards. will try some mashed potatoes later as they treated my stomach pretty good last night.

maybe i have a stomach bug on top of relasping. my blood pressure is low 79/55 and my resting heart rate is high 118 bpm.

[~Lacey Underalls~]

Cardio is the last thing you should be doing.

[fitme]

Sophie, if your blood pressure is so low and you're feeling so sick, why on earth are you on the computer telling us about it? Go and seek some professional help.

[Sophie]

Originally Posted by fitme

Sophie, if your blood pressure is so low and you're feeling so sick, why on earth are you on the computer telling us about it? Go and seek some professional help.

I am not in my home state and therefore no doctor to go to. I have Ohio Medicaid. If things get too bad I'll ask my friend/father figure to pay for me to see a doctor.

And as I've said above, and Hawkwind mentioned as well, at a normal and healthy weight I will not help/treatment for not eating. Unless I have a stomach bug, there is nothing a doctor can do. And if I do have a bug, there is little a doctor could do anyway.

[BiggerGuns=LongerDrives]

If the blood pressure is sufficiently low, you can faint and often seizures will occur.

Low blood pressure is often accompanied by:
(Most of these are related to causes rather than effects of hypotension.)

Chest pain
Shortness of breath
Irregular heartbeat
Fever higher than 101 °F (38.3 °C)
Headache
Stiff neck
Severe upper back pain
Cough with phlegm
Prolonged diarrhea or vomiting
Inability to eat or drink
Burning with urination
Foul-smelling urine
Adverse effect of medications
Acute, life-threatening allergic reaction
Dizziness, or light-headedness, particularly when suddenly standing up from sitting down
Seizures
Loss of consciousness
Profound fatigue

Blood flow to critical organs including the brain, heart and kidneys may cause organ failure and can ultimately lead to death.