old girlfriend

[Mrbobcat]

Weird, I went to my second day of class today and sat in the back next to a lady I did'nt recognize. After class she says are you B..... from my old home town? I'm like yeah, she says I'm S...... Well, turns out she was my first real girlfriend from about 18 years ago. I always wondered what happened to her. We went out for about a year and I still kick myself for not "closing the deal" so to speak. I don't know why I stopped seeing her. I think its because I procrasticated and she got another boyfriend. Anyway, we talked for a couple minutes. Shes going into the same field as me. Shes divorced with 3 kids. I told her I was seperated and she asks if theirs a chance we'll work it out. I said I doubt it. She seems to have aged more than me, even though shes a couple years younger, but looks to have kept herself in shape. Now I'm wondering if I should try to start something? I wish she did'nt have the kids, but at out age I guess its to be expected and I guess it would'nt hurt to just talk to her...

[TRAZ]

Talk to her man! You may be getting a second chance! This is a rare thing in life and you should go for it.......

[fadi]

Sounds like you have two concerns, first she has "aged" and second she has 3 kids.

3 kids are a handful and of course financial burden not to mention if you want to have kids, she may not be so looking forward for it since she already has 3. And dating someone with kids means you need to account for the fact that she will be too busy to do things by herself and the kids will always be in the picture.

I am not trying to tell you not to go for it, I am just trying to draw a realistic picture of how it will be. Some people can handle that, others will run away screaming. I myself would definitely give it a shot because I look beyond these issues. I am going back with an ex who has a kid and not for a second did I think it would bother me and actually looking forward to being with the kid.

If you plan on trying something out, be honest with her. Tell her you would want to see how you could handle being around the kids because you don't know how it will affect you. You might be surprised

[ryanbodybuilder]

could be fate?

[joe526]

I believe that everything happens for a reason. But in this situation the 3 kids would be a HUGE negative for me. I would hope they are with the same father, but I dated a girl with one child and at first it was ok, but it really takes it out of you after awhile. Not only do you have to date around the child's schedule but eventually your gonna be a step dad to this kid. Also deal with the real father if he's still in the picture which can be a joy in itself. Its a hard position but if nothing else, talk and go out with her just to get her in the sack since before you said you never had the chance to. Good luck either way.

[skibumm233]

Go for it man. If you go out with her and decide its not going to work, what did you loose? Take a chance.

[fadi]

Originally Posted by joe526

I believe that everything happens for a reason. But in this situation the 3 kids would be a HUGE negative for me. I would hope they are with the same father, but I dated a girl with one child and at first it was ok, but it really takes it out of you after awhile. Not only do you have to date around the child's schedule but eventually your gonna be a step dad to this kid. Also deal with the real father if he's still in the picture which can be a joy in itself. Its a hard position but if nothing else, talk and go out with her just to get her in the sack since before you said you never had the chance to. Good luck either way.

If you want to just date her and not marry her, then of course that would be a problem. But I don't understand the argument with having to work around the kid's schedule as if it is a negative thing. Sooner or later you would have your own kids and would have to work around the kids' schedule.
To marry someone with kids is to become a step father and do the father duties. If one is not willing to love the kids as their own, then they should not father the kids or date the mother.

[Primevci]

yea i agree with fadi on this if you cant handle the kids dont waste her time...

[CookieMonster]

dont do it.

if you have to ask other people and are having doubts then it might be something that you dont really want.

or just talk to her for a bit and see how things go and if you can imagine yourself with her for a long period of time.

[wweforme]

KIDS??? Total dealbreaker right there! Hell no!

[sonicbum]

Originally Posted by wweforme

KIDS??? Total dealbreaker right there! Hell no!

LoL.... i kinda agree.... BUT, there are no coincidences in this life.....


definetly get to know her better, yall obvisouly have some compatible qualities based on the fact you guys worked out in the past and doesnt seem like yall had some messy breakup... if you find out you actually LOVE her, then the kids will be an added bonus, LoL.... if no luve, tap that sh*t man, that might be all shes lookin for too.. you never know...heh heh....

[xbox86]

is it really that important to blank out the names

[Mrbobcat]

Update: I saw her at class today, did'nt get to sit by her and did'nt see her look my way at all. (it did look like she made herself up more than last week) So I walked around awile after class and saw her around the corner. She says "hey Bob", so I went over and talked to her for a minute. Turns out her kids are 6, 11 & 12, all same father (at least their not real young). Anyways, what should be the next step? Ask for her number or if she would like to grab something to eat over the weekend? I feel like a teenager, not sure what to do, probly because I have'nt been on a date in 4 or 5 years. I'm not sure if she would even say yes, as she knows I'm still married. She also lives about a half hour away and I don't really want to pick her up and take her back home again as money and time are very tight right now. I'm also thinking I should have asked her today, because I have to work next Saturday. But maybe we should just take it slow and talk for awile, but I'm running out of stuff to talk about...any ideas?

[TRAZ]

Wait, wait, wait you are still married? Hopefully separated right? Well if you are separated you should definitely ask her ASAP just see if she wants to grab dinner somewhere. You can do it! It really isn't that hard. You don't want to regret having this second chance.....

[Mrbobcat]

Yeah I already told her I've been seperated for over 2 years (its true). She asked if there was a chance we'd work it out and I said probly not. I won't see her again until Monday. So I guess I'll ask if she'd like to go to dinner sometime. Since I work 2nd and next week I work 6 days, it'll probly have to be a week from Sunday, assuming she says yes...

[fadi]

She already told you she is interested. Ask her for her phone number and call her the same day to show that you are interested. Tell her that you are interested in seeing her again but you are working too much and the finances are currently tight (she may cook you dinner, you never know).

I would honestly show her that I am very interested and would make it clear that she can call me anytime she likes and would call her whenever I feel like talking to her. I would also talk to her about my concerns and explain to her that I am looking for her input on the subject.

[vassille]

Originally Posted by joe526

I believe that everything happens for a reason. But in this situation the 3 kids would be a HUGE negative for me. I would hope they are with the same father, but I dated a girl with one child and at first it was ok, but it really takes it out of you after awhile. Not only do you have to date around the child's schedule but eventually your gonna be a step dad to this kid. Also deal with the real father if he's still in the picture which can be a joy in itself. Its a hard position but if nothing else, talk and go out with her just to get her in the sack since before you said you never had the chance to. Good luck either way.

Hey Joe,
dealing with the kids father coming and going all the time can be a pain in the as*. I've been there and saw what was going on. There always the posibility of her going back to him or custody over the child. I have been there and it is not a pretty sight. It's a decission in which one must weigh all the positives and negatives. At this point in my life, I have no kids and I think that if the right person has a kid and no ties to the father I will consider it but that's the only way. i can't stand to have any males in my teritory or house hitting on my wife under the pretext that they want to see the kid, as I'm going to hurt them! LOL
From my comments you know I already did, it was funny. Likely he did not press charges. YOu should have seen his legs flaping when I took him by the shoulders and had him up in the air a couple of feet. He thought I was going to kill him! I knew then it was time to get out that shi*.

[vassille]

Originally Posted by fadi

She already told you she is interested. Ask her for her phone number and call her the same day to show that you are interested. Tell her that you are interested in seeing her again but you are working too much and the finances are currently tight (she may cook you dinner, you never know).

I would honestly show her that I am very interested and would make it clear that she can call me anytime she likes and would call her whenever I feel like talking to her. I would also talk to her about my concerns and explain to her that I am looking for her input on the subject.

Aren't you opening up a can of worms Fadi? Sometimes I feel that some things should be left alone! But then again, who knows there could be something there that was missed.

[fadi]

Originally Posted by vassille

Aren't you opening up a can of worms Fadi? Sometimes I feel that some things should be left alone! But then again, who knows there could be something there that was missed.

She asked him if they could work things out again, and he is saying he is interested. At their age, they should not be playing games and being honest about things. He is not proposing to her and cannot marry her till his divorce is final anyway, so if things don't work out then he is out and she would or should understand since he is honest with her.

I don't get this dating games. I never played them and I've had some of the best relationships one could have. Some of my ex gfs either want to get back with me or want to stay in touch with me because of my honesty and the way I treated them.

[kel]

Close The Deal !!!