old girlfriend

[greddygst]

agreed man all the downsides arent near as bad as the fact you get a 2nd chance first loves are the best love , and if you have feelings give it a shot worst thing could be it wont work , id go for it.....
-james

[Mrbobcat]

You guys were right. I finally got up the nerve to ask if she'd like to do something sometime and she said yes! Actually she said I don't care, but she gave me her number and said to give her a call. Now I'm not sure how long to wait before calling. I work 2nd shift, so calling when I get home probly is'nt a good idea and I see her wed. in class anyway, so I was thinking maybe Thur. or Friday. Whats a good idea, just dinner or a movie and should I ask her to meet me somewhere or pick her up?

[ryanbodybuilder]

personally i would meet her somewhere first.....maybe for drinks then dancing or something.....but sounds like she has to get a babysitter.....but dont you live far away anyways? if so meet halfway somewhere

[fadi]

So what is your point of waiting to give her a call? not to look desperate?

[Mrbobcat]

Sort of, but like I said, I'll see her on Wednesday in class anyway and won't be able to set something up until this weekend. But maybe I should call her tommorow afternoon. I had to go sit in the smokers section today to talk to her and don't know if I should continue to do that either (I don't smoke and all her girlfriends go out there too). Also I think she quit drinking and I'm not much of a dancer, thats why I was thinking of the dinner and/or movie. Think I should ask what she would like to do? Oh, she lives with her parents now so a babysitter should'nt be a problem...

[fadi]

Some women want the guy to pick the place, others don't mind coming up with a suggestion. When you call her talk to her a little, and ask her what she likes to do. See if anything she says would trigger your interest. If she doesn't drink, most likely she won't go dancing anyway. Traditional first date is usually dinner (so you can talk) and a movie (Can't talk) but i would not do a movie alone as first date.

I'm little confused if she is showing interest or not? if she is not showing interest, I would frankly flat out ask her if she is not interested because you don't sense she is. She would either get the hint and show more interest, or gives you a BS answer which you need to interpret as playing hard to get or not really interested and time to move on.

At first you said she showed interest and asked if things would workout again, but then when you asked her out her reaction was more of "whatever" type of thing. I would want to know what is going on personally.

I would also pay enough attention and listen to her when you talk to her, but I would not be seeking her. It is a two way street. If you don't smoke, then don't go to the smoking section. If she approach you, then by all means be friendly. If you already talking to her and she goes, then fine just don't go looking for her.

[Mrbobcat]

Hey Fadi, I think you misunderstood the interest thing. She asked if I thought things would work out between my wife and me. I said I doubt it, we've been seperated for over 2 years. But to me that kinda does make it seem like shes interested if shes asking about it. Also when I asked her out today, I think I said "you would'nt be interested in going out sometime would you? and she said yes, I don't care. I know, not the best way to ask as I'm not all that confident, but she did say yes so she must have some interest...now I just got to think of stuff to talk about.

[fadi]

ahhh now i get it, sorry I was confused

[fadi]

Things to talk about:

"So tell me, what have you been up to all these years?" and talk about that for a while.

Type of work she has

Common things you noticed about raising your kids and she raising hers

"Have you been to this place" or "that place"...etc.

Memories from when you guys dated

She should keep the conversation going as well, and when the conversation dies, ask her if she likes to have dinner sometime and what she likes. If on budget, don't let her recommend the place after that just end the call.

[Classik]

you wouldnt have posted this topic if you werent interested

[Mrbobcat]

I took your advice and did'nt talk to her after class (did'nt really feel like it today anyway) and she calls me up wondering why I took off right after class...I guess that shows something. I guess I should at least walk with her to the smokers area next time. Anyway, she's supposed to call me tommorrow and let me know if she could get a babysitter. I'm thinking we should probly meet somewhere, like a restaurant thats part way between our homes.

[TRAZ]

Sounds good man....relax and enjoy yourself she is obviously interested.

Remember this is supposed to be fun!

[fadi]

Originally Posted by Mrbobcat

I took your advice and did'nt talk to her after class (did'nt really feel like it today anyway) and she calls me up wondering why I took off right after class...I guess that shows something. I guess I should at least walk with her to the smokers area next time. Anyway, she's supposed to call me tommorrow and let me know if she could get a babysitter. I'm thinking we should probly meet somewhere, like a restaurant thats part way between our homes.

Excellent! do that, meet her at the restaurant, and offer to pay when the bill comes if you can. She may or may not let you, respect her decission either way.

Again, the objective is not to avoid her, just not to get out of your way to be around her. Do show interest, just not desperation or the impression of insecurity because women lose interest once you show that. Going to smoking section with her is fine now because you better understand her.

[Mrbobcat]

Well, the big day will be here tomorrow and theres a slight change of plan. I will be meeting her in a small town and driving her back to my town. I still have'nt decided where to go. I was thinking maybe applebees, friendlys, a mexican rest. thats close to the theater if we decide to do that or a fancier place uptown. I have a gift card for one of those places. Do you think its ok to use it or not on a first date? I also talked to a guy at work who knows my situation (hes kind of religious) he said its ok to date if I'm still married, but don't get any ideas about kissing or sex. I can understand the latter, at least for awile, but going in for a smooch if the right vibes are there is alright isn't it? I mean whats the point of dating if theres no contact at all?

[fadi]

Originally Posted by Mrbobcat

Well, the big day will be here tomorrow and theres a slight change of plan. I will be meeting her in a small town and driving her back to my town. I still have'nt decided where to go. I was thinking maybe applebees, friendlys, a mexican rest. thats close to the theater if we decide to do that or a fancier place uptown. I have a gift card for one of those places. Do you think its ok to use it or not on a first date? I also talked to a guy at work who knows my situation (hes kind of religious) he said its ok to date if I'm still married, but don't get any ideas about kissing or sex. I can understand the latter, at least for awile, but going in for a smooch if the right vibes are there is alright isn't it? I mean whats the point of dating if theres no contact at all?

Ok there were few questions packed in there, so lets answer them:

There are some restaurants that are not expensive yet have good quality food. A date does not have to be at a fancy place, just a nice or a different atmosphere.

As far as using the coupones, personally I wouldn't because it sends the signal that it is a cheap date and women very weary of that. If you have not explained to her the financial situation, then aim for a good food type restaurant that might intrigue her yet cheap. Maybe a mom and pop italian, mexican..etc. or the cheapest of the above. Might want to avoid applebees and friendlys because she might order drinks and these are exepenive unless you don't think she will order a drink.

As far as kissing or sex, neither is wrong if you ended your previous relationship. What is left is paperwork. Now, if you are not convinced she is for you, then don't go for that and you may want to switch it to friendship. I hate leading women on for pleasure, I would either make it clear up front (most would say no) or if I am serious about her, then I go for it but don't do it for the heck of it because it sends the wrong signals.

You want to measure the level of her interest based on the conversation. The conversation should be 70-80% about her and rest about you if you want to draw interest, unless you know you have things that would interest her or she asks questions. If you feel it is going great and you think she is interested, start by holding hands before going for a kiss. I have asked them "can I hold your hand?", they will be in little shock but then they will either say yes or no and usually thats a very good indicator for me.

Just be yourself and be honest. Thats all these is to it, and best of luck

[Mrbobcat]

Thanks Fadi. It looks like the big day will have to wait. She called this morning and postponed it. I guess she had a bad migrane yesterday and went to the hospital, took a bunch of medicine and did'nt want to drive today. She said I could start thinking of when to reschedule and I said probly next Sunday because I probly have to work 6 days again this week. She said maybe we could even do lunch. That doesn't leave alot of time between school and work, but I guess it does'nt take that long...
Maybe I should take the separation papers over to the wifes tonight. I've had them for a couple months, keep putting it off. I did stop over there over the holidays, but she was'nt home. I don't think she knows I have the papers, but said its up to me what we do. She has'nt called me and I have'nt called her lately either.

[fadi]

Breakups are hard. I am going through it right now but I am trying to put it behind me and not think about it because when I think about it, I tend not to want it to end even though it is over. If you believe you are completely over your wife and it cannot be fixed, then do the papers. If you think it can workout just need some communication issues to resolve, then take your wife out on a date or have dinner at home and one of you cooks for the other. But you need to either fix it, or end it.

As far as the rescheduling, you have a very interested woman so way to go! she is excited and doesn't want to wait till sunday Quick lunch for a date is not a bad idea although I would not call it a date. It is a great thing though because the real date would not be as formal! you can even talk her into dinner at home and watching a movie at home which would be much cheaper, and more private

As far as the lunch goes, lunch is usually much cheaper than dinner dates. You can even pick a cheap quick place and she won't mind because expensive places usually more packed.

So, are you excited about her or not yet?

[Mrbobcat]

Yeah, I'm excited about her and think about her often. She even suggested that I could cook for her, but I don't know how to cook (except for maybe steaks on the grill) and I told her that. But she knows how to cook, thats one good thing...about the wife, it is communication issues, but I'm also not attracted to her, probly part of the problem. I'm pretty sure she would'nt mind trying to work it out, but I don't think I want to and she has'nt tried to contact me either, except for stupig email stuff...

[fadi]

So? was there a date?

[Mrbobcat]

Not yet, we could'nt do it this weekend because she could'nt find a sitter, but we might do lunch tomorrow after class...getting a little nervous now...