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03-07-2006, 09:41 AM
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men and adult material
Ok ladies this may seem like a very odd conversation topic but I just wanted to see how the rest of you feel about it.
Im having a problem in side myself with this topic. First my man treats me like a queen and is very respectful of me. My issue is.............well I dont know what the issue is. I know this is not his problem. He's a grown man but Im obsessed with the subject. I spend alot of time worring about his emails from his buddies. Biker magazines, well the whole lot of it. My ex husband was addicted to porn and I was only 18 when we married so I know I am feel long term effects of this. generaly Im not an insecure person. I dont get jealious and stuff like that. But sometimes this worring almost brings me to tears. I just want these feelings to go away. I want to be at peace. I dont understand it and its really embarrasing to bring it up but I figured Id get some input from y'all.
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LOVIN' LIFE!! 
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03-07-2006, 09:57 AM
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Ya know...this is a tough subject.
I had a fiance that cheated on me. And then my husband repeatedly cheated on me. Neither one of them cared for porn. I was the one that used to enjoy reading hustler and the biker mags. Ironically it made my husband uncomfortable. So I stopped buying the magazines that I liked to read. I have seen porn addictions destroy marriages. And I have male and female friends that enjoy porn and don't take it to extremes. What you are projecting on to your husband is a result of what you went through in your first marriage. You are probably going to carry those scars with you for a very long time. But you really need to work on not letting those painful times ruin what you have now. I am a believer in taking time with a therapist if need be to work through issues such as you are facing. As far as worrying about his e-mails and what he's doing when he's out with his buddies. You are torturing yourself needlessly. Believe me. If there is a problem, you would probably be the first to know. I always know when my husband is up to 'no-good'. It sounds like you have a good man, and that you are projecting the pain and suffering from your first marriage into this relationship. It's good that you realize the need to change. That is half the battle. I wish you well, and that you can find the peace you need.
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...I am the wanderer's wandering daughter...
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03-07-2006, 10:12 AM
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Wow, yes what a tough one. I can't speak from current experience, but have had some men in the past that were unfaithful. Not too much to worry about the porn stuff either. It is easy to project one situation with all the rest to come.
I think you may need to express to your husband what your concerns are and talk it out. I kinda had the same problem with my H, with his vette and his buddies in the beginning, but now I am glad that he enjoys his hobby and its gives me some time for myself. Maybe you should seek counseling to get to the CORE of your problem so you won't be projecting on the new H. Good Luck....
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03-07-2006, 05:48 PM
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I don't know how I feel about stuff like that....it's weird for me I guess. I don't really see the point for a guy to have porn mags and sh!t if he has a wife/girlfriend to look at and masturbate (or whatever he needs to do) to on a regular basis.
But...I have no problem with him going to a strip club to look at naked chicks. For some reason that doesn't bother me as much. Hell, I'd even go with him. At least that's entertaining. AND...on the other hand, I do have a problem if say we're walking and talking about something and a cute chick walks by and that's where all of his attention goes...along with his eyes, and his head, etc. To me, that's just disrespectful. I mean, I don't expect them to NOT notice a pretty girl, but be civil and have some decency. So...I guess I'm torn on the situation. Maybe I'm just a weirdo.
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03-07-2006, 06:30 PM
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I honestly think that in all courtesy and respect, we're just trying to get a different scenery to look at..I know it sounds messed up but in all honesty:
We can get some pretty cool ideas for the bedroom from porno or mags. It's just another tool to broaden our imagination. I completely agree with jennyd, guys should be courteous and respectful when it comes to checking out other women...they shouldn't CHECK them out anyways. I believe it's only right if I acknowledge the woman and her beauty as she passes...acknowledge in my head that is...besides, half the time my girl knows what I'm thinking when a pretty girl is around anyways because she knows the lady is hot too. It's hot when a woman a female admits another female is pretty too. It makes them look alot more down to earth and not so uptight. Definitely gotta keep the respect up though.....just my opinion. Sorry if I was too vulgar or anything like that lol 
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03-07-2006, 06:46 PM
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I can tell you, as a man, that porn or no porn has no correlation to cheating. So as others have said, start resting a little. My girlfriend told me, just this past weekend as a matter of fact, that women's 'romance novels' are just as graphic sexually as porn. So do we men need to worry about our women cheating if they are reading romance books? Best wishes, and stop worrying needlessly.
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03-07-2006, 07:03 PM
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ktinspired...rest easy. just take it slow...if a man cheats on you, he's worthless. just say to yourself you should've seen it coming. Guys like that aren't worth it. i know it's hard but its part of growing up into a mature woman. good luck to you!
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03-08-2006, 07:39 AM
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Please dont misunderstand....I am not at all worried about him cheating on me. I am confident he isnt that type. He's not even to type to go hang out with his buddies. He likes me to go everywhere he goes.
And Im not sure why but it's the images that I worry about. i dont want to sound retarded but I feel like how can he look at that stuff, then look at me and find me beautiful. Aging and stretch marks. He has this one friend that emails him some pretty ronchy stuff. If I know he's been checking it out, and he later compliments me. I feel like "ya right" It's mentally destroying me from enjoy the great things about our relationship. btw I do appreciate the guys speaking so candidly. I think if I understood the male mind alittle better it would help me alittle.
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LOVIN' LIFE!!
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03-08-2006, 08:24 AM
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03-08-2006, 08:48 AM
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Recent topic for me too...
How funny to read your post when I got up this morning after a sort of heated conversation my guy and I had last night. When I was looking through a site that was NOT porn, a banner came up flashing sexy half naked girls saying, "meet singles in your area." I made a comment about the pop up not going away and my guy said, "what are you looking at porn for? You'd be pissed if I did that." Without thinking I told him it wasn't porn and who cares it's girls and I can look at girls, he can't. Although I was mostly being playful, I kinda meant it. Well, we had some words and to end it I told him he could look at half naked guys anytime he likes. I got the silent treatment for the rest of the night.
I guess I'd feel afraid he was losing interest in me if he were going out of his way to look at other women. I'd start wondering if there's something wrong with me. Either way, if I worried about something like that too much, it could cause him to not enjoy being around me or worse, hide things or lie. So, I go with the whole confidence is beautiful idea and try hard to have an attitude he just can't say no to. In return, he does the same for me.
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03-30-2006, 06:09 AM
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Just to update you, cause you have all been great in giving your insight.
One of you mentioned talking with a therapist. I dont really believe in or trust them. However i do believe in hypnotherapy. So I have been using self hypnosis to bring peace to my thoughts. Also I have been using some techniques from , whats called cognative therapy.the concept of recognizing and changing negetive thought and using affermations. The biggest change is I sat down with my ole man and just told him what had been going on inside me and my thoughts and how upset I have been making myself. I LOVE MY MAN He couldn't have been more supportive and understanding. He helped me to explore the root of the insecurity in such a loving way. I do still have somework to do on the issue but I feel a thousand times better. And Kinda silly for letting it burn on my brain. I was a lil embarassed to bring the subject up here. but now I am so glad I did. THANKS EVERYONE!!!! 
__________________
LOVIN' LIFE!! Last edited by ktinspired; 03-30-2006 at 06:12 AM.
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03-30-2006, 09:08 AM
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It's not like most guys would even want a girl involved in porn to have sex with them either, ewwww, all that sex with different men, ewwww.
__________________
Jan 01 2006-22%bf 190lbs 148lbm May 28 2006-13%bf 183bs 159lbm TIME TO GAIN WEIGHT!!!!
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03-30-2006, 01:51 PM
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Bless your heart...
Don't worry. Just remember...you are totally hot just as you are, it's just a question of having your head in the right place.
I think self-hypnosis is amazing... Two sites have really helped me (even with changing my body.) Try www.wendi.com and www.hypnosisdownloads.com Both sites have really helped me a lot...
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03-30-2006, 02:16 PM
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Bless your heart...
Don't worry. Just remember...you are totally hot just as you are, it's just a question of having your head in the right place.
I think self-hypnosis is amazing... Two sites have really helped me (even with changing my body.) Try www.wendi.com and www.hypnosisdownloads.com Both sites have really helped me a lot...
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03-30-2006, 03:00 PM
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Ok im not goint to lie
I love sex... it is what it is i think about it literally every time i see a chick I myself think porn is awesome, But.. Its like a fantasy... As much as you think those girls are hot.. I wouldnt wanna have one for a g/f or even a wife.. Screw that... Been with 3 million guys let me give that a try? I think not.. I wouldnt worry much almost every dude i know watches porn
__________________
Ignorant Mother ****ers
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03-30-2006, 09:35 PM
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03-31-2006, 07:16 AM
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as to, skeptic.com, I don't care
if hypnosis works because I think it works or because it just works works....To me it's like spending some time thinking quietly about a goal....visualizing what I want to do or be...I've made my own tapes too and they work even better. I just picutre myself being calm in front of my class that I teach (instead of a nervous flipping wreck) or not clamming up at a social dinner, or kicking some jiujitsu ass, and I find picturing it is very helpful. I mean you can't even do your laundry without picturing that you need to do it, this, to me, is just the logical extension of that.
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04-01-2006, 08:00 AM
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I agree. I have used self hypnosis throughout my adult life. I first became a believer when I quit smoking with hypnosis. I could be in a room with a hundred ppl smoking and I couldnt even smell it . thats what mind programing can do for you.
In this case I have been able to use it to reprogram my thoughts of insecurity and to reassure my inner child of the love that me and him share. ( i know that sound corny but oh well) I have also used it in diet control, workout motivation, controling anger towards my defiant children. Im a believer!
__________________
LOVIN' LIFE!!
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