Robyn, sounds to me like you have done all that you can do to broach the subject and get some sort of resolution. Maybe counseling will give you new tools to reopen communication that apparently has been stiffled over this issue.
Trust is hugely important in a relationship (duh) and maybe, after counseling, you will have to decide whether this issue is a make it or break it deal. You may have to sort out whether your relationship is damaged beyond repair. I know that the issue of pornography is touchy for even the most liberal of relationships. Just my $.02.
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