First off... bravo Mitch. Bravo.
Secondly, Robyn, I feel like you may be approaching the situation too aggressively for him to unfold infront of you. The way you've described approaching him sounds very authoritative. This sort of confrontation makes the subject (your husband) feel like you view his porn habits as bad, wrong, etc therefore making him believe he needs to lie about it. I know you've put your heart on the line here and I commend you for offering him as many chances as you have, but I feel if you alter your approach to a more empathetic stance, he may be more encouraged and comfortable with discussing this with you.
I don't think this has so much to do with addiction as it has to do with lack of will power. You've already stated he failed to quit smoking. Most likely, he just doesn't know how to say no when the opportunity is available. The distinction is that it is simply a want instead of a need. He doesn't NEED porn but its an obtainable WANT. Like Mitch stated and I whole heartedly agree, unless I'm getting some every day there is always an urge for that release.
The fact that you spied on him can only damage your trust link. I know you did what you felt you have to, but when you start snooping around each other, it only reinforces the fact that you see his habit as wrong and gives him the idea that he can invade your privacy as well.
Take a deep breathe, try to understand his motives, and then approach him as a wife or friend and not like a parent. If he fails to communicate with you, then you should by all means reconsider what your future might look like if communication is already failing at this point in the relationship.
Best of luck to you and you've done a great job trying to cope with this problem.
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